Go to Hell, for Heaven's Sake
by FragileYetEerie
Summary: Ciel is forced to attend a Christian boarding school. Sneaking out, he meets a certain somebody who makes his heart beat a little faster. But just how long can he keep this hidden and what will happen if someone finds out that he isn't actually just praying when his door is closed? / AU & yaoi in later chapters. :3
1. Chapter 1

_Hey, hey. It's around one in the morning here and what am I doing? Exactly. Writing. I'm an idiot.  
_

_Hope you like it, I don't know, shall I continue this? You tell me, please. Enjoy, I don't think that I have to mention that I don't own Kuroshitsuji. Sad, isn't it? _

* * *

Quiet. It's fucking quite. As always here.

I can practically hear the tapping of my feet against the old wooden desk. Yes, indeed. The decor isn't the fanciest one at this place. Nothing here is any kind of fucking fancy, it feels like I am stuck in Middle Ages. I hate this place with my whole being and right now, I'm at the point where I'm not far from doing something stupid, that's how boring it is. Throwing a tantrum, beating somebody up, killing somebody. I don't care, I just want this fucking silence to end because it's bothering me.

I think I might be going insane anytime soon.

It takes one shrill and angry, "PHANTOMHIVE", and I snap out of my psychopathic thoughts. I roll my eyes noticeably, letting my teacher know just how much I care about him screaming at my in order to make me submit to him. I don't care at all about what he wants, thinks or says. Fuck him.

My well trained, annoyed and arrogant look is directed at his boring, dull eyes and if I wouldn't know any better, I'd say he suffers from either a big depression, or stomach problems. However, looking at him makes me want to vomit. Most people here give me the urge to do so. It's hopeless. I'll probably be locked in here with all of these fuckers forever. I might get depressed, as well. It is always the same. Waking up, praying. Attending these stupid lessons, say my prayers and get to sleep. Did I mention that I actually have to pray? I can feel my intellect and my pride dying slowly and pitifully, by the second. It always just gets worse. I do not belong here. Can somebody come and take me away? Please?

I hate my aunt right now.

I've been here for only six days now, and I can already tell that screaming at me for idiotic reasons and giving the most ridiculous punishments is one of the few things the teachers here are actually capable of. Why does it seem to work on the others? Brainwash? Drugs? Do they make zombies out of them? If I should ever become one of them, this quite, this submissive and most of all, this prideless, I will kill myself, I decide. And I really would, I'm not just saying it.

"What?" I spit at him, annoyed, not caring about consequences at all, refraining from cursing until now, though. If you scream at me, don't expect me to treat you any better. Easy as that. This is the way it works. I glare at him, dare he giving me an idiotic answer. Moron.

"Did you pay attention? What was I talking about?" he asks in that disgusting voice of his. He completely fits in here. I might as well put this building on fire. I just need some gasoline and in a few minutes, the world would be freed from all those idiots in here. No loss at all. Nothing to regret.

"Jesus, why the _hell_ should I pay attention when everything you're talking about is pure nonsense and you fail to even notice it yourself?" His jaw drops a little. Right in your face, bitch.

"Don't you dare using his name like that," is the only thing this excuse for a teacher can come up with. I laugh a little at how offended he sounds. He takes a moment to think. Does his brain actually work that slow? He takes a breath and then continues, "You'll stay here after class, Phantomhive." With that, he turns around again, walking back to his place in front of the class and sitting down on a chair, opening his bible to continue with his previous actions.

I knew it, I simply knew it. Idiotic fuck. Instead of answering or thinking, he just gives me detention. What a retard. If possible, the class has grown even quieter by now, and I look around, glaring at each one of them. They're all staring at me as if I had just committed a murder or raped a baby, some covering their mouth with their hand, others still looking at me, wide-eyed. Just what kind of people are these? Are they even human at all? How can one be like this? How long exactly have they been here again? Is it the evil influence of this place making zombies out of them?

The rest of the lesson, nothing happens, the only sound being the boring voice of Mr Spears reading some passages of the bible out loud. I don't even bother to listen to him, letting my mind get empty instead, staring out of the rather small window a few feet away from me. The sun is shining, but from looking outside, I can tell that it's cold. It's not even spring yet and the flowers have yet to blossom, the trees are still a dark grey. Everything still looks a kind of grey outside, but anyways, it can only be better than inside this building, where all the walls are kept a sterile white. Wherever you look, everything is white. I think, it reminds my of a visit at my dentist's office, both is a goddamn pain in the ass. I could still punch my aunt for bringing me here. And most of all, for saying that it's 'not that bad, it will be fun there'. What a fucking lie. If this is fun, I would rather be dead.

It's then that I make a decision; I will get out of here, even if it's just for a few hours, or even minutes, if I don't find a way to get out, I will truly freak out.

* * *

It's 17 o'clock and I start to fear that this day will never end. Having just finished classes, I feel like throwing up because I know that now, I have to stay here even longer than necessary. With that teacher. Fuck my mouth for speaking my thoughts out. But I don't mind, actually. If I wouldn't have said that earlier, I would probably have exploded, I think. Right now, I'm getting myself ready for another argument with my teacher, though, as the others are leaving the class. I look around, noticing that I am the only one left, the others are all gone. Let the battle begin.

I make my way to the front of the class where Mr Spears is still seated, having not moved an inch since earlier. Looking up at me, he sighs and gives me an arrogant glare. How dare he? I consider spitting into his face for a brief moment, but I decide against it. I might hate him, and I might think he is dumb, but that would be childish, that's not like me. I really am too friendly for this world, I suppose. "Ciel, what's gotten into you, how dare you disturbing my lesson like that?" He asks, sounding pissed. Well, I certainly have more reasons to be pissed than he has.  
"I didn't do anything wrong, it's not my fault that you're an idiot," I say as calm as I can, matter-of-factly. His strangely colored eyes glare and for a moment I think he is going to hit me. And the expected punch comes a second later, leaving me breathless for a moment, in pure shock, or rather hate. I absolutely despise this filthy excuse for a human. My face hurts, and I hope for his own sake that there won't be a mark left.

Fuck this.

"You fucking bastard," is all I can say for the moment, still baffled, my mind blank because of the pure anger I feel. I want to rip his throat apart, how the hell could he just simply do that? I am Ciel Phantomhive. And he just punches me, like that. Does he even know who he just hit? I doubt it, I seriously do. Otherwise he would have never done this. I try to stay calm, for I know that once I start punching him, I will not stop until he bleeds. I might be small, but fuck, I can get angry.

"You shouldn't curse this much," he smiles, and I want to kick the teeth right out of his ugly mouth. "Since it seems detention doesn't work on you, you will simply not be allowed to attend the meals from now on, until I see your behavior changing."

I think now I even fail the words to describe my utter hate towards this man, this place, my life, everything. I won't be able to endure this for a long time. What kind of a punishment is this? Is this boarding school even officially accepted? I give the pathetic excuse for a man one last glare and turn on my heel, leaving without any further word, slamming the door shut behind me with much more force than necessary.

* * *

I bury my head under the white pillow, tired of even seeing this. If this school was in London, I could simply run away, uncaring of anything, and sleep at one of my friends' until I would find a place to stay, I would know the streets, the houses, the people. Well, some at least. Unlike here. I don't even know the name of this town, since I fell asleep on the long trip here. I didn't expect to find myself at some Christian school or something like that, I had imagined it to be a normal boarding school, not too pleasant, but not too bad. By now, I know better than that. This isn't normal, the whole thing is insane. I wonder what a lunatic had come up with the idea of creating such a place. I haven't even met the director yet, and judging by the way things look, I don't even want to know him.

I feel like crying. I cry when I am upset, when I am angry, I don't cry out of weakness. But right now, I am both, upset and angry, I could actually cry. But I don't, I need to find a way out. Lazily, I get up from my bed. I don't really expect to get an idea. My room is on the second floor, there's no way I could get out. Is there? I walk towards the window. My room is small, so I only have to take two steps until I stand in front of it.

Holy shit. Looking at my reflection, I want to box the glass. I look like them already. In those clothes, it seems you have no chance but to look like some neat, religious and lovely small idiot. Not my style. I sigh, it's hopeless.

I open the window, actually surprised to find no bars. I look out. Amazing. Too high to just jump down, too low to kill myself. Had they purposely chosen for this to be my room. Were they able read minds here? I know, I am slowly growing insane, but hell, this place is creepy. And if you put some normal person in a creepy place with strange people, what can you expect? It was only I matter of time. I sigh into the cold night air, frustrated, letting my bangs cover my eyes.

If only I had the room next to mine. It wouldn't be a problem at all to climb on the roof of the shed and jump down from there. An idea forms in my brain and I think I might get out of this fucking prison. I look down, weighing out the chance of me being able to climb on that small ledge a few inches under my window. Am I really that desperate to get out of here? I think, I am. After turning around and hitting my head at the frame of the window, I make sure that my door is locked, switch the light off, grab some of the money I hide in my room and my jacket. Why am I only just now getting the idea of doing this, escaping that way? Oh yes, I forgot. Until now, I fell asleep each day after detention. Or rather, cleaning. I don't know if they're incapable of paying somebody to clean here or if they, what's more likely, just like to see their students suffer. However, after hours of cleaning the oversized rooms in that building, all you want to do is sleep when you get back to your room. My stomach makes a pitiful sound, and I think, I'll die of hunger. How can they ban me from the meals? Doesn't my aunt pay for that? Fuckers.

However, I am now ready to end my life in an attempt to run away from my life at this miserable place. I will have to come back, I have nowhere to go. However, even running around in the streets all night is better than being caught up in here forever. I don't want to freak out, so I have to do something idiotic now. Oh, fuck my logic.

Taking seat on the thin windowsill, I let one of my feet sink downwards until I seem to have some hold onto the stone ledge of the old-fashioned building, and quickly, add another one, holding onto the frame of my window like mad, not daring to look down. Ah okay, another reason. I remember, I'm afraid of heights. Whatever, my goal is set, and only a few feet away. I won't back down now, I assure myself. I hate myself when I act like a pussy. Really. Is it normal to be afraid of heights like that? I don't know, but it annoys me greatly.

Taking tiny steps and holding onto anything that is left to grab of my window frame, I go further. Fuck yeah, halfway done. I feel like giving myself a high five, but if I'd do that right now, I'd fall down and break my bones. That wouldn't be nice. Okay, keep your gaze upwards, do not look down. I feel myself shivering a little, unsure whether from the chilly weather or from what I am currently doing. Well, maybe a bit of both. For once I am happy that the rooms aren't too big, making it possible for me to actually reach the other window, so I can hold onto it in order to keep my balance. And then, I am there, only one little jump, and I stand on the roof of the shed, hoping that it won't break down. Luckily it seems the shed it newer than the other parts of the building, so I can actually make my way down and, with a soft sound reach the floor. I respire, I actually made it. I don't even want to know what this must have looked like. Luckily it seems nobody watched. I take a breath in.

I am outside this fucking prison for once.

I make my way through the garden, happy when I finally reach the street, it's not the main street, though. I don't even know what to do now. I wouldn't have expected this to work. Should I go somewhere in particular? I don't know anything here, so searching might be a bit difficult, I don't know. Maybe just walking around here is worth the risk of climbing the facade of the boarding school, as well.

Deciding to do the first thing I can actually think of, I start walking along the sidewalk, searching for a cigarette machine. Damn my addiction, but I need a smoke. They don't even allow me to smoke in there. Did I already mention that I hate that place? As I walk, I notice that the further I go, the more the city seems to be alive. In contrast to the part where the boarding school is placed, the part of town I am in right now, seems to be rather busy at night. Advertisements, some people, and cars, even at this late hour. I feel like at home. Or rather, at my aunt's. However, I am used to being outside at night rather than being inside all day.

And still, no cigarette automat. Are you kidding me? Where is my fucking nicotine? I look around, snuggling into my jacket. It is colder than I thought it would be. Why can't it be summer right now? I actually prefer winter, but that's how humans are, once they're cold, they want summer, once they're hot, they want winter.

Finally, I find what I've been searching for all along, on the other side of the road, next to some bar called 'Undertaker's', there's one. Oh, holy luck of mine, thanks destiny for leading me towards my cigarettes in my darkest hours of despair. I quickly change my direction, crossing the street, just then realizing that it would've been better to take a look at the street, first.

Of course. Once something works out well, such as my previous climbing, something bad immediately has to follow. Fuck life, for the umpteenth time today. As soon as I am on the street, I hear the loud creaking of wheels, followed by a sudden light, and in an instant, I am laying on the floor. Did I just die? Am I still alive? Only then when I hear steps coming closer to me, I decide to open my eyes again. I am not entirely laying under the car, just my legs are placed under it and I support my weight with my arms, trying to stand up, but failing, still a little unsteady. That was close. I take a breath and look up to see someone hovering over me, recognizing a black suit, so far.

"Oh,my. Are you alright?" A concerned and deep voice asks me. I blink, unable to understand what I am seeing, or rather, hearing. Oh, yeah. He asked if I was alright. Am I? I don't know. That _voice,_ it was fucking deep, I feel a shiver run down my spine. It's either the fact that I have just survived an almost heart attack, or his voice, but I feel my heart beating as though it has thousands of liters of blood to transport though my veins. It's his voice, I am quite sure. Hello stranger, could you please stop talking, or do you want to kill me?

Fuck. What am I doing? I need to stand up, I need to.. die. Or maybe not. But I need to do something, anything, fuck. "I'm sorry!" It blurts out of me. Did I just apologize? I don't know. Apparently I did. Fuck, I didn't answer his question, I want to disappear right now. I haven't even seen his face, and I already feel like dying of embarrassment. Holy shit I need to see him. Wait? _Him?!_

I look up, almost shy. Almost. I am not shy, never. I blame this on the situation. Not my fault. But what I see, it kind of.. leaves my mouth hanging open and makes my eyes grow to unrealistic proportions. Oh my god, I have never seen something as awesome as him, I think. And I feel completely ridiculous. For running over the street like that, for saying sorry and also, for having these thoughts right now. Why do I have to act so dumb at the moment. Am I that embarrassing and did I really just now realise it?

His face, it is handsome. Really handsome. Beyond handsome. Some kind of devilish, I don't know. Like sometimes when you could say someone looks like an angel. He looks like a demon. In a good way, in the best way ever. And then, I notice it. His eyes. They are red. Holy shit, does that guy wear contact lenses, am I hallucinating at the moment? In contrast with the black hair and the white skin of his, I can think of nothing, but, _perfection_. I have never believed that such an embodiment of perfection could ever exist, but right now, I'm seeing it. Having him right in front of me makes me realise just how dead wrong I have been all that time.

I've been a total idiot all that time, until this very moment. Now I can die happily, knowing that I figured the truth out. He chuckles and for a moment, I think I can't breathe. "It's okay, as long as you are alright."

God, how can he be so nice when some idiot just jumped in front of his car? I must look like an idiot right now. To say I am blushing is probably an understatement. Luckily, it's dark. I watch his every move as he still has a smirk on his lips. He fumbles his hair behind his ears, but it falls back, the long black strands covering a part of his face. It looks so soft, his hair. Fuck, Ciel, pull yourself together, stop thinking about that man's hair now.

"I am, I mean.. alright," that just sounded strange, "thanks for stopping, though." And this sounded even stranger. He must think I am a complete idiot now, if he didn't before. Breathe in, breathe out.

He smiles. And I melt. Who is this and what is he doing to me?

"Well, I wouldn't dare knock you down," I smile back. His voice and his face. And he is still hovering over me, and it makes me feel nauseous, or exited. I don't know. He holds his hand out so I can stand up from the strange position I am in. I take a hold of it, maybe a little too fast, holding his hand tightly and pulling myself up. My hand still tickles as I regretfully let his go. And I just now realise that I am standing face to chest. His chest. Oh my god. I look up and feel even smaller than usually. I take a step back, embarrassed at how close to him I just stood. Am I supposed to say something?

"I'm Ciel," I sound so friendly, it doesn't even sound like myself. I can be friendly, but I haven't been for the last days. Nervously, I extend my hand, he grabs it, my stomach turns upside down.

"Sebastian." I blink again, his name. Sebastian. Sebastian, Sebastian. I repeat it in my mind. I hear a sudden noise, a honking interrupting our moment. Motherfucking car.  
"Seems we're causing a jam," I say, regretfully. He will move away now, knowing that I am okay.  
He nods, smiling and hands me something. I look down at it, confused.  
"I own a café here, the opening is on Saturday, you can come, too, if you want to," he explains. My smile grows bigger. I just hope it doesn't look scary by now. I blush and nod.

"I will try to be there", I answer, and hell, I will be there, no matter what. He looks at the noisy cars, then to me and mouths a short, "see you then", before he gets into his car again. I step to the side, letting his black car drive away. I'm still a little stunned. What was that? My breathing is still a little unsteady and my legs are shaking a bit.

This time, I look around before finally crossing the street without any further accident and get my now even much more needed cigarettes.


	2. Chapter 2

_Lalala, what do we have here? Chapter number two, exactly. Which means that I decided to continue this story. I don't know why, but it seems this is easier to write when I'm drunk, so there may be some mistakes. If you find some, I'm sorry. And I know, bad joke. But I thought the Undertaker would laugh about something like that.:3_

_A big thanks to you guys who read it, followed, faved and of course, reviewed. Thanks, danke, merci, arigatou, gracias, whatever. It really made me smile how nice y'all have been._

_Seriously, you are awesome, reactions are really appreciated, whether you tell me you like it, or the opposite, it helps me to improve and keeps me motivated. (:_

_So, it took a little long since my internet fucked up and the half of it was deleted, so I had to write it again. _

_Whatever, enjoy, hopefully._

* * *

Uneventful, incredibly dull, abnormally boring, always the same. That's a definition of what the days here are. And honestly, it's pissing me off.

Still, nobody talks to me and I don't even bother to look at them. It seems none of the teachers or staff saw me climbing all the way up from the old shred to my window three days ago, or if anybody did, they have yet to react; telling me, punishing me, torturing me. Maybe putting me into an asylum? There are plenty of options.  
But I think I'm save, probably nobody saw it. And I'd be so fucking fucked if they knew, seriously. Not that it can be a lot worse than it already is, I am fucked already, but at least, I still have something to look forward to. They'd lock me away, if they ever found out. I'm sure they would.

But at the moment, I don't give a flying fuck. About nothing. Not now. I am overjoyed, this evening I will see Sebastian again, and shit, I think this excites me more than it should. He is just some _guy_ who happened to almost kill me, after all. And I am just some guy who happens to be too much of a nicotine addict to cross a street without causing an accident. It must have been fate. Even though it's been all my fault. I am thinking nonsense. For some reason, I'm happy I ran across the street that very moment, the whole thing could have a lot been worse, anyways. Sebastian didn't seem to be mad at me. And I certainly wouldn't mind if he were the one to cause my death, I think. And I feel like laughing at myself. What the hell am I thinking?

It's true. Having Sebastian knock me down is still better than rotting in here, I assume. But pretty much anything is better than that, and right now, I am still alive and therefore, still unable to leave.

It is just so ridiculous, frustrating even.  
Why can't I be just a bit older? I wouldn't mind working for my money, I could live in my own apartment. I could actually study and most of all, I would be able to do what _I _fucking want. Not that I bow to the teachers or obey the rules here, anyways. God, I'm not that kind of person. Still, this place is fucked up and I don't want to spend the whole year, and maybe even another one, here.

I'm so hungry. Fuck my life.

No matter what, I am stuck in here and I doubt that I'll actually be able to leave this place in near future. I wonder just how often I will be able to sneak away without anyone noticing it. I sigh. Because even if I am locked in a building full of freaks, I'd better not forget that they aren't only freaks, but control freaks, as well. So I just sit here and wait for anything to happen. I look around. A blond kid smiles at me, and after giving him an irritated look, I decide to ignore him and go on with my previous actions, searching for anything interesting. White walls, old furniture, boring people. Boring lesson. It's raining a bit outside. I watch the drops run down the window. Waiting, waiting and waiting. I fucking hate waiting. After what feels like years of said waiting, though, the bell goes off. Finally.

My heartbeat goes a bit faster. School's over.

Not only does this mean that I can escape this hell, it also means that it won't be that long anymore until I see Sebastian. Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian. I don't fully understand it myself, but the name is on repeat in my head. And I don't know why. I almost crack a smile, while thinking about him. But I don't ever smile, usually. And certainly not at this place. Probably that's the reason, because he is the only normal human I've seen for days. I hear noises, I am back on earth and I notice that it's the others starting to gather their things and leave. I am one of the last to leave, usually, so I don't have to worry about all the others swarming at the door.

However, something catches my attention, and instantly, my mood goes from content and excited, to annoyed and pissed off, my facial features harden. I can see the figure of a thin, inflexible, boring teacher moving in my direction. Seriously, is that guy doing this on purpose? Is he trying to make me act my thoughts out, does he want to be killed? For the last days, I have bluntly ignored him, why can't it stay that way? Am I so irresistable that he can't fucking stay away from me? Just how much of a fucktard can one be? If anything he's about to say will hinder me from seeing Sebastian, I swear to every existing god or demon or nothing in this pitiful universe, I will haunt my teacher's nightmares, stalk him, scare him, and then, finally, kill him. With my bare hands, if I have to.

"What is it?" I sound really annoyed, which is perfect, because I want him to see exactly how displeased I am right now. I don't enjoy talking to morons.

"Have you finally decided to apologize?" Oh seriously, fuck you. Foolish idiot. That's all I can say or think when it comes to this human.

"There is nothing I have to apologize for, if anything at all, you'd better apologize to me. I'm leaving." I turn and stomp away like a bitch in heat, hoping that I won't have to hear his voice again anytime soon.

"Ciel Phantomhive, you won't hear me apologizing to you for anything. And you'd better.." that's when I shut the door behind me. Even if my stomach hurts like hell and I feel like fainting, I won't apologize to him. I'd rather starve than sink that low. For persons like that, I could never feel the slightest bit of respect, I think. But it is okay. Because he didn't say anything about me having to work all night, or being tortured. I don't know, but I can imagine this is something they might do here. I wouldn't necessarily want to find it out, but right now, there are more important things to think about, anyways.

Like Sebastian. Pretty much a perfect thing to think about.

I know that I am acting fucking silly and I can't help it. I'm just so happy to see him today. And I almost feel.. afraid. No. It's not like me to ever be afraid. Of anything. When you've experienced a lot of scary and fucked up things, there comes the point where you simply stop caring about what could happen. But right now, I do care.

While walking towards my room, I wonder what I am supposed to wear. Thing is, I don't have that many clothes here. Just a few things I'd wear at home usually, and my uniform. The rest is at my aunt's. What do you wear to an opening? I don't know. Also, I wonder what kind of cafe celebrates such a thing in the evening. I am lucky, though. If it would've been in the morning or the afternoon, there would have been no way for me to get there. I take a deep breath. Stay calm, don't freak out. You are going to see Sebastian today and that's all there is to it.

That's all. And why do I feel like I am about to jump off a cliff, then? What do I even expect from him? I don't know. Probably he doesn't even remember me. What then?

* * *

I think I just survived a heart attack. Again. Climbing out of a window if you're afraid of heights is silly, indeed. Climbing out of a window when you're afraid of heights and it's wet outside is a whole different story, though. Long story short; I almost slipped and for a moment I've been sure I was going to fall and then, pitifully, die, laying on the wet grass. Luckily, I made it out alive and I regained my balance before falling. Thank you, fate, for not fucking up once. I am still alive.

And hell, I feel more than alive. I feel nervous, psyched up and nauseous. All at once.

I want to throw up butterflies and rainbows.

Jumping off the shed, I land with a thud, I stand in the small garden belonging to the boarding school. Still, everything is grey outside, the chilly weather makes the landscape seem even darker, I think. I shiver, it's fucking cold, why can't it be just a bit warmer? After taking a look around and reassuring myself that nobody's watching me from anywhere, at least I think so, I exit the garden through the creaking and rusted gate.

Freedom, here I come!

Thanks to my not too dumb brain, I still remember the way I walked the last time I went to town. I don't exactly know the street names yet, but I assume such a thing as a cafe is placed in midtown, probably. So I just walk in the direction of where I assume it to be.

Fine, here I am. What now? I stand almost at the exact same spot where I crossed the street three days ago. Where to go now? How the hell am I supposed to find it? I feel like crying, I have to find it. In time. I don't want to be late. The card says '7 p.m.', but this, plus the address is pretty much all. And the name of the cafe, of course. I had totally forgotten about the small card in my jacket until now. I look at it more closely and my jaw almost drops. Almost.

Oh my god, what? .. What? I stare at it wide-eyed, confused. What the hell? _Le ciel noir_, the card says. How the..? That's my name, did he name it after me? Yes, I know, it means 'sky' in French. I realize my own dumbness then, obviously it's not named after me. The card and the name existed before we met, so this must actually be a coincidence. Utterly strange. Maybe this really is fate, I don't know. Is this a good sign?

Deciding that it's better than running around without orientation, I make my way over to the closest bar I can see. Maybe I can ask somebody, they gotta know the street names, don't they? Fuck, I hope they do. Think positively! They surely do. I force a friendly expression on my face and enter the dimly lit bar. I look around? What kind of a bar is _that_? I search for some kind of a bartender or something but can't seem to find anybody. Are you kidding me? Somebody's gotta be here. And it certainly doesn't feel as if I'm alone. Maybe I'd better just leave. I turn around and my heart stops.

What the fuck?

Only a few inches away from me stands some creepy looking guy with white hair and a hat that reminds me of something a witch would wear. I'm not suggesting that witches or something like that, exist, but I can tell from what you see in movies. All in all, he looks weird, the eerie kind of weird. And god, if somebody like that stands in front of you suddenly, you scream. Automatically. And that's what I do, screaming. Inwardly, that is. I can control myself that much.

He chuckles, smiling at me. Hell, how can a smile be that discomforting?

"Hehe, so look what we have here," his voice suits him perfectly. Creepy and strange. Does he greet all of his costumers that way? It would certainly explain the lack of guests. Am I supposed to answer to this?

"What do you want?" Abruptly, the laughing stops and he sounds rather interested than mocking. Okay, he is weird. Certainly.

"I wanted to ask for the way," I say, my voice a bit unsteady. I sound like some naïve girl about to get raped. Hell, whose voice wouldn't sound like that, in such a situation?

"Oh. Well, where do you want to go?" I can't even see this guy's eyes, they're covered by the white hair. Fucking weirdo. But I try to be friendly, it seems he knows the city better than I do.

"Oak street, house number 7," I answer.

He tilts his head in an odd angle and I wonder whether he does have bones or not. Ugh, the creepy smile appears again. It's alright, he'll tell me and then I can leave. No need to worry.

"I know where that is." He smiles. Fuck, can't this idiot just tell me? I fucking hate waiting.

"So?"

"You have to do something for me first," he explains. What? Hell, I'm just asking for the way. Is he about to molest me? If so, I will make certain to kick the freak in the balls. "Well, do you know.. any good jokes?"

Wait, what? A joke? Seriously? I don't have such a nice humor I guess, and how could you make someone like that laugh? Black humor? Okay, at his own risk.

"Okay... If that's what you want." He nods. "What's the difference between onions and prostitutes?" I don't sound amused at all, jokes are pretty boring in my opinion, actually. There are just a maybe three or four that ever made me laugh, in my whole life, the majority of them is just too dumb. Yep, I really don't enjoy telling jokes.

He doesn't react and I take it as a sign to continue. "Well, you cry when you cut onions," I finish.

A moment of silence.

And then, suddenly, the guy breaks out in laughter, sounding as if he has an asthma attack, repeating the words 'Onion', 'prostitute' and 'cut' quietly. Can the situation get any more awkward? I raise a brow. What the hell's wrong with him? Seriously, he'd better be off in an asylum. But apparently it worked.  
"Okay, so now, can you please tell me?" I inquire. I need to hurry a bit. Quite a bit. I'll need to run.

"Yeah, yeah, kid. I like your humor, by the way. So, well.. Oak street... You follow the main street until you can see the park. Then, you turn to the left and just keep walking straight ahead. Then, you're there." Finally.

Main street, park, left, ahead. Okay.

"Okay, thanks." With that, I rush out of the strange place as fast as I can.

This was weird.

* * *

I feel like turning around and running away already. House number 4, number 5, .. I'm getting closer. And with each step I take, I grow more nervous. Do I look okay? I wear a slim black jeans, my checkered jacket and a white t shirt. I don't know if I look okay or not. But now, I'm here. And there's no way I'll back off now.

I take a look at the building in front of me. Instead of the large windows I would have expected, there's only one non-transparent, small window. The building is colored in a clean white, a sign above the door says, _Le Ciel Noir._ It still feels weird seeing my name there. But I don't mind, not right now. Holy fuck, I'm here. All I have to do is enter. My inner coward tells me to run away, but luckily, my body doesn't obey and I, instead, decide to enter.

As I open the door, it feels like my heart has already given up, too exited to even work anymore, and I want to rip my stomach out of my tummy, in order to make the constant tickling stop. The door opens and my eyes widen at the sight. Now, this certainly is not what I call a fucking cafe.

I stare into the room in disbelief, taking in the sight in front of me. The walls are colored a blood red and covered with pictures, metal signs and various items. There's a black bar, with hundreds of bottles in the background. But that's not what catches my attention. Instead, the thing that catches my eyes instantly, is the silver pole in the middle of the room. Some people are sitting on a stool, others are standing and watching some blonde bitch who is pole dancing to some loud black metal song. Fuck, this shit is not exactly a cafe, rather a night club. I've been to clubs before, not this kind of clubs. It looks like a bar where my aunt would spend her nights.

And most of all, where is Sebastian? I look around, searching through all the people, but not finding him. I feel out of place. And for some reason, right now, I feel like crying, all the previous energy leaving me suddenly. Isn't he here? I just want to see my fucking Sebastian. I mean, not mine. Just Sebastian.

And then, I see it. In the corner of the room, there's a big crowd of barely dressed girls and in the middle of it, I recognize something familiar. Black hair, white skin. It's him. Shit, my breathing stops. My brain stops. I think I'm about to get a panic attack.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fucking shit. Hell. I really shouldn't curse this much, should I? But my heart's going crazy and my brain just stops functioning. What am I doing? Shit, I need to take a deep breath and then two or three whiskeys, then I'll be better, I guess. And a cigarette, even if weed could help me calming down way better. What the hell? No time for thinking about drugs right now, he's coming over to me.

Just a moment ago, he was still looking at me and smiling from over there, and now, he's coming here. I think time just stood still and is now on fast forward. He's almost there and I still need to think of something to say. Also, I still don't know, do I fucking look okay?! And god, the way he moves makes my already troubled brain go even more blank. That's it, probably I just hurt my head the other day when I got knocked down. That must be it and now.. Shit.

"Ciel, I didn't expect you to come," he says. And his voice. Oh, this fucking fucked up deep voice of his, it's the most beautiful thing to listen to, in the whole world. He smiles at me. And I'm knocked out mentally. Braindead. Hopeless. I tilt my head back to look up at him. He's so huge, I already knew he was, but I hadn't remembered him to be _this_ big. I feel small. And nauseous. And dumb. I feel like running away.

And here I go showing my dumbness to the only person in the world, whose opinion of me matters for me. "Of course I came, I told you I would," so far, so good, just don't say something silly now, "and the bar's name it's,.. I mean, like mine." Did I actually just say that? Shit.

He smiles at me, again. And I'm sure it's because he pities me for my low intelligence. What else could be the reason? "I'm glad you came. Yes, indeed, it is." He chuckles. He's glad I came. He is.. oh my god. Damn, stop being the way you are please, it's making me go insane. I smile back, like the small idiot I am right now.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asks. I nod. I breathe in. And out. Stay calm, everything's alright.

"Yeah, do you have whiskey or something?" Of course he has. Fuck, there are hundreds of bottles.

He raises a dark, thin eyebrow at my question. "What?"I ask, confused about his reaction.

"I just wondered if you're allowed to drink already, you know about the dangers of drinking at young age, right?"

Is that bastard kidding me? Or does he just want to know my age? Do I look like fucking twelve, or what?

"What the..? Of course I am allowed to, do I need to show you my ID, or what?" I ask sarcastically. Praise my fake ID. Everybody has one, it's not a bad thing to own one. And this time, I didn't even sound like a total fool anymore, I hope. Probably I did, though. My hands are still shaking. I look up at him, and he smirks at my behavior. I assume it's the reason for his smirk, anyways.

"No you don't need to, I'll just believe you." He says, knowingly. Damn, does he know that I'm younger actually? I don't want him to. I just lied to him. Fuck. Barely 2 minutes of talking and how many times have I fucked up? I'm not sure. Often.

He turns around to walk to the bar and it takes me a moment to understand that I'm supposed to follow him. I eventually do. I think I even like his back. He wears a black suit, and believe me, it's fucking hard to be in the same room with someone like him without staring. He's just that fucking perfect to stare at.

I sit down on one of the stools, letting my legs dangle and leaning forward a bit so I can watch Sebastian's every move while he pours me a glass of whiskey cola. I think I am becoming some creepy stalker. He hands me the glass and I look up at him dreamily, "thanks." God, my voice.

"Not at all," he answers and his eyes pierce mine. I think I'm melting, again. Is this healthy? Perhaps not. Maybe I'm sick.

I look down at the glass nervously, and then eye the room and the people. "And this is what you consider a cafe?" I ask him, kind of curious about it.

"Well, kind of. We serve coffee here, as well. And to be honest, I didn't think you would have come here if I told you it was a night club. You don't look like such a kind of person." Ah, his voice, fuck. It's killing me quite a bit.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I honestly don't know. I down the glass of whiskey. Fuck, maybe that'll make the rapid heart beating stop. I hope.

"Well, you look kind of too cute and innocent, I think." And I choke on my drink, my eyes widening. Did he just call me cute and innocent? Is he kidding me or do I really act that way around him?

I blush and chuckle. "What? Are you serious?"

"Dead serious."

"I'm not fucking cute, nor am I innocent, Sebastian." I realize just how exactly that sounds a second later. Fuck, why do I say stuff like that? I should have just nodded and smiled.

"Oh, is that so?" He smirks cockily. And my heart beats faster. Why does that happen every time he looks at me, or smiles? I am hopeless.

"Yes it is, and don't look at me like that," I answer. Did I actually just say that? Why do I think after talking and not the other way around?

"Oh, why not?" He asks, acting as if he's offended. I can't help but give in to the urge of smiling. Nobody ever thinks I'm cute. Or innocent. And really, I'm not. How can he think that? Why?

"Because I don't.. I don't know." Oh, how productive my brain is. Amazing, isn't it? How I keep fucking up.

He looks at me, smiling. Fuck, that face. God. He's about to give a silly answer, I know it. I feel my face heating up again. Must I be that embarrassing? "Can you please give me another drink?"I quickly ask before he can embarrass me even further by saying anything. Alcohol will help, it always does.

"Well, if you're sure you can handle that much alcohol," he smirks. Seems it didn't work, he still manages to make me blush, look away and pout.

"What, because I'm so _cute_?" I ask sarcastically, rolling my eyes and then looking up at him. Isn't it his job to sell as much alcohol as possible? Why does he say such things?

"Exactly my point."

"Fuck you, I'm not cute. Give me a drink." I grab a napkin from the bar to throw it at him and he catches it while pouring me another glass. He didn't even look. What is he? Some kind of ninja? I think I'm about to freak out. I blink. I just said 'fuck you'. I think my normal personality slowly starts to show. Is this a good thing?

"Come on, just admit it," he sounds as if he's joking. And I'm sure he is. He would never think I'm cute, nevertheless, I can't just accept it.

Right when I'm about to answer something, some red-haired bitch comes over to hug him. She looks pretty much like a prostitute, wearing a red corset, fitting her hair color somewhat, and mesh tights.  
I think she's drunk. And most of all, I want her to get the fuck away from Sebastian before I hop over the bar and rip the two of them apart. It's not as if I'm possessive about somebody I don't even know for long. Totally not. Bitch.

I stare at them for a moment until Sebastian pushes her away a bit. "Meyrin, do you always have to get so clingy when you're drunk?"

The bitch stares at him. "I'm so not drunk, Sebastian." Hazel eyes turn to me. "And who's that friend of yours?" She clearly is drunk, I can tell from the way she talks.

"That's Ciel," he answers shortly. She smiles, "He's cute. But you can't stand here all evening and just talk to him." At the mentioning of the cute, Sebastian smirks at me triumphantly. I feel like sticking out my tongue, but decide not to, it would be too childish, probably. Why does everyone think that I'm cute, all of a sudden?

"Ciel, would it be okay if I let you alone with Meyrin for a few minutes? She's right, I gotta talk to everyone since it's the opening. Don't worry, she's nice," he explains and then quietly adds a, "Most of the time," laughing. Oh, the way he laughs. I just nod, staring at him mindlessly. "Sure, don't worry." I didn't want him to feel obligated to spend all his time with me in the first place, even though I wouldn't mind it, of course. Even if he continues to tease me.

With that he walks over to some other costumers, my gaze not leaving him until the girl suddenly starts to talk.

"Got a small crush on him, don't ya?" My eyes widen in shock and my jaw drops. How does she get to think such a nonsense?

"What the? No! Of course not, he's a.. guy," I try to defend myself, but even to myself, it doesn't sound believable at all. Fuck, do I have a _crush_ on him? No way. Just no. Definitely not.

She laughs knowingly. "Of course not." Oh, fuck you. "But hey, who knows, for somebody as cute as you, Sebastian might make an exception."

"An exception? What?" I ask, genuinely confused. I really don't get what she's talking about. MAybe she's just talking nonsense because she's drunk.

"Well, you're a guy, aren't you?"

I blink, confused. "Of course I am, but what does that have to do with anything?"

She grins, mischievously. "Well, he definitely has a thing for young pretty things, you know?"

I down the second glass.

"_What_?"


	3. Chapter 3

_I know. I know. So late. And so short. Sorry, I've been really busy. School, friends, life and shit like that. But at least, an update. Next one will be sooner, if not, insult me or anything, make me cry, my friends, depress me. Or maybe not. Better not. _

_Thanks soo soo much to all of you wonderful people who took their time to read, review, follow, or fav. Seriously. I love all of you so much. Almost as much as Ciel loves Sebastian. It makes me write a bit faster and a bit happier. :3_

_Okay now, enjoy, hopefully! (:_

* * *

_"What?" _

She grins. "C'mon, seriously, he's good in bed and you almost look like a chick, anyways. Where's the problem?"

Where's the problem?! Did she actually just fucking ask that? Where the fucking problem is? Hell. I feel like insulting her, I sort of feel like killing her. But instead, I stay calm and after a few seconds, just quietly ask, "You've had sex with him?", completely deaf to the 'you look like a chick' part.  
I sound like someone who's just found out that the love of his life has cheated on him. And I kind of feel exactly like that, for some reason. She hands me another drink. I drink the half of it, trying to get ready for the answer, expecting the worst.

"Once or twice, but that's been years ago, don't worry I wouldn't steal him away from you even if I could." Bitch. Bitch, fucking bitch. Whore! How dare she say such things?

"I never said that I fucking want him in the first place!" I exclaim, unsure why I sound like this, so desperate and offended. I guess I'm just imagining it, I don't really sound sad or desperate. I am so totally not desperate for anything. Most of all not for Sebastian, period. She smiles wickedly, stumbling forwards a bit.

"And who might that be, who you don't want?" a smooth all too familiar voice cuts in. I feel goosebumps appearing on my skin, my whole body tensing. Hell no. How long has he been standing there behind me? I turn around a bit on my stool, staring at Sebastian over my shoulder, with my eyes so wide open, that he raises a brow at me. My cheeks burn and my heart's freaking out.

"Nobody!" I declare a bit too fast and a bit too loud, panicking. I know; I'm fucked. It's amazing how I keep fucking up, it seems to a new hobby of mine. I try not to breathe too hard, afraid of him noticing it. I try to act naturally as good as I can. But god, his face. So close. I just can't..

Leaning onto the bar, the girl starts laughing. "Oh, Sebastian, we've been talking about you and that little cutie here just won't admit that.."

NO!

Within a split second, I jump, acting on impulse and covering her mouth with my hand, shutting her up effectively. Ugh, I'll need to wash my hand later. Not the best way to shut someone up, this doesn't necessarily look like something, a normal person would do to someone they just met. But what else could I have done? I look over to Sebastian. What am I doing?! Shit.

I let go of her, quite sure that in a few seconds, I'll experience one of the most embarrassing moments in my whole life. Not that it doesn't feel embarrassing already, but she'll take her revenge for this, won't she? She'll say something that'll make me wanna die, something about me and Sebastian. Even if there's no such thing as a 'me and Sebastian'. Nothing.  
In the first moment, she looks a bit stunned and after a second or so, starts to talk. Or rather, shout. "What the hell is wrong with you? God, you really need to get laid." With that, she stomps away, leaving Sebastian and me alone. At least, she didn't embarrass me even further, but she didn't need to. I had done that much myself.

I wish the ground would open and swallow me up.

After a few seconds of me staring at the desk as if it was the most interesting thing in the world and not moving an inch, Sebastian suddenly starts laughing. And damn, the sound of his laughter. It's like heaven, but Sebastian is real. Is he an angel or something? Luckily I am sitting because if I would be standing right now, I fear my legs would give in. I'm so fucking hopeless, it's not even funny.

"What's so funny?" I bite out, trying to sound annoyed, but failing quite a bit. I never fail to sound or be annoyed, it's one of my natural strengths, one of the things I am fucking good at. And yet, I can't seem to be annoyed. Not right now with him next to me. Damn this.

"Just what was _that_?" He laughs again, making me feel even more ridiculous.

Nice that you find this so amusing, Sebastian. I'll laugh later when my panic-/heart-attack is over. Yes. The one you always seem to cause.

And still, my heart keeps beating violently, almost making my chest hurt. And I don't really mind, I like it. Does that make me a masochist? I'm not sure. Not really knowing what to say, I quietly mumble something under my breath, hoping for him to not really hear it. Hopefully, he'll just forget what happened a few minutes ago. Or rather, all the silly things I have already done when with him. And fuck, I've only seen him twice in my life. But I doubt he'll just simply forget this. He'll want to laugh at me. I know it.

Beautiful red eyes turn to look at me, and I think if this feeling of panic and excitement at the same time doesn't stop soon, I'll faint. Did I just think of his eyes as beautiful? Oh yes. I did. They really are, so it's okay. It doesn't mean anything. Neither does it mean anything that his presence alone is enough to make me, yes, me, Ciel fucking Phantomhive, act like some retarded lunatic. It really doesn't mean anything, I'm sure. This is so normal and I am so not going insane.

"What did you say? I couldn't quite hear you." Is he doing this on purpose? I'm sure he is. Does he enjoy to see me suffer? Does he enjoy to act friendly, while torturing people? Especially me, I assume!?

"I said that it was nothing. And no, we were _not_ talking about you." Oh, fuck. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned this again. But I want to be sure he knows that we did not talk about him. Even though we did. And now, he probably knows and thinks that I'm a fucking weirdo and that's why he smirks at me like that, oblivious to the fact that it makes my body and mind kind of loose control.

"So I don't have to worry that you don't want me?" He laughs, joking. Or was this a joke? Or did he actually mean it? I shift, a little nervous. I think it was a joke, there's no way it wasn't. He would never think about something like that, I'm sure. Almost.

"No, you don't." I smile at him, hardly able to suppress a giggle. This just sounded like a fucking confession. A bit, at least. I think, I can feel the alcohol in my blood already. I don't know, maybe it's because I haven't eaten in days, or just because I am not able to handle much alcohol for real, but fuck. I don't think drinking tonight was the best idea I've ever had. I can practically feel myself searching for the next possibility to do something embarrassing. Again.  
When I'm drunk, I tend to be quite flirty, bubbly and maybe stupid. Though, actually I don't act that way around men.

But with Sebastian, it is different.

He raises a brow. He seems to do that quite often, maybe it's because of me or maybe just because he knows how damn good he looks with that expression on his face. With any expression, for that matter. "Good to know that," he smirks. And my jaw drops.

"What's this supposed to mean?" I ask, completely dumbfounded. I blink. He smirks.

"Nothing." He mumbles, obviously copying what I've done earlier. Even though, he probably looks sexier doing it. Fuck, my head.

"Hey, don't imitate me!" I complain, feeling a smile tug at my lips, though. Why does it have to be so hard to be in a bad mood when I am around him? Damn, I don't like being nice. Or at least, not like that.

"Oh, are you drunk or what?" What the.. What kind of a question was that now? How can you just ask if somebody is drunk totally taken out of context?

Damn, I think his chest is sexy. Wait, what?

"Why, do you want to get me drunk and have some fun, or what?" I ask sarcastically, of course speaking before thinking. Like I usually do, as if on cue, I blush again, getting as red as a tomato. Fuck me, why do I say things like that? It's not like I'm too innocent usually, but _this?  
_I think I just sounded like a prostitute. A bitchy little prostitute with a bit too much hope in the voice when saying such things.

"Actually, I just haven't really seen you smile the whole evening, but if that's what you want to hear.."

Oh my god, fuck my dirty and meaningless life, I want to die. No. Simply no. It fucking sucks.

He didn't really say that. I didn't really ask that. My heart and my stomach seem to have a battle, discipline; who can get me to fall unconscious first.  
And I feel like the whole world is kidding me, again.

"No. No. Don't think that I meant it that way, I just thought.. it sounded so obvious that you.." I feel completely idiotic. Ridiculous and fucking silly, even. The most silly part is, that even now, even when I am a complete idiot and I just ruined everything that could have happened between us, which wasn't a lot, I guess; anyways, even now I felt the need to smile as I watched the expressions on his face change.

It's not even my fault. When he looks like that, how am I supposed to not act like some cheap prostitute? He is to blame for it. Not me. Clearly.

"So you don't want that?" he asks in a tone that's so suggestive, that I kind of want to jump him. Or the other way around. What am I supposed to say? 'Of course, that's all I ever wanted!', or what?

Well, fuck.

Of course, I come up with something much more creative, "Stop confusing me like that. I need a fucking smoke now." I guess I really do sound like a complaining whore.

"Probably I don't have to tell you about the consequences of smoking, do I?" He sounds like my father. Or like he would sound, if I had one. And Sebastian is way too hot to be my father, actually. God, my brain. Can't he simply stop being himself for a single goddamn moment? Or a second? So I could think clearly?!

I get up slowly, eyeing him as if he was a predator or something like that. Make no mistake now, Ciel. Nothing that'll embarrass you further. Nothing that'll destroy your pride even more.  
Though, by now, I start to seriously doubt that anything worse could happen. Other than getting a heart attack from looking into his eyes, that is.

Taking a step forwards, I suddenly feel my legs getting shaky and all of a sudden, giving in, before I can do something against it. Without knowing what the hell is going on, I suddenly lay on the floor, eyes closed. I feel kind of numb, unable to do anything other than laying there and breathing in and out really slowly. Everything's just a blurry picture. I feel like I'm underwater. Did Sebastian finally manage to give me a heart attack? I have no fucking idea. I blink, unable to really register my surroundings.

I feel confused. Fuck it, more than confused, I have no idea what is going on. All I can see that very moment, is a dark shadow above me, right above my face. And I can only guess who that is.

Realizing the situation I am in, right now, my heart starts beating harder again. My brain hurts like hell. What the fuck is happening? What has happened? Why?

"Ciel?" I smile as he says my name. I think I really like it when he does that. I think my head hurts. But yes. When he's saying my name, I could care less about my physical condition. I think, I want to cuddle him. I raise my arm, confused about the lack of body control I seem to have, and reach for the black shadow, Sebastian, who's still hovering over me. Once I'm sure that I hold a grip on the soft material of his black suit, which suits him pretty damn well, by the way, I pull him closer to me with an iron grip. What am I doing again? I think I don't care.

Oh my fucking god, I am only half conscious and I am so close to Sebastian that I wouldn't mind dying right now. At least, I'd live happily every after in hell. Or wherever.

I think I kind of have a sixth sense that allows me to notice just how close I am to Sebastian. And right now, it's saying 'Fuck yeah, pretty damn close', or something like that. I don't know. I blink.

"Ciel? Are you okay?" He asks again. And his voice, it's almost against my ear. That's how close he is.

I'm beyond nervousness. And still, this is the best feeling ever.

Tiredly, I decide to answer. As best as I can, at least. Which might not be good.

I chuckle quietly. "Hi." God, did I just say hi? What? Nope.

"Hey." Woah. Wow. That voice is sex to my ears. And my heart. I blink again, surprised to see that my vision is getting back to normal again. Luckily. Or maybe not. For the first thing I see is the face of Sebastian. Where? A few inches away from mine! I shut my eyes again, pretending I'm dead or something alike. Maybe he'll believe it. But I'm not sure.

"You definitely have a thing for falling on the floor, don't you?" he asks. I open one eye a bit, closing it again when I see he's looking at me. How do I look? Fuck. I must look like some piece of trash, I am laying on the fucking floor!

"Maybe. Yes. Or wait, what?" I think I am still confused. How can anybody concentrate when so close to Sebastian?

Suddenly, his voice is serious. "Ciel, does this happen to you often? Are you getting sick, or is it because of the alcohol?" Does he worry about me? Is this a good sign?

I'm still too shy to open my eyes. Shy? No. Not. I just like to pretend that I'm a corpse. Just without the rotting and falling into pieces part. I'm a bad corpse, I guess.

"I just simply.. I haven't eaten in days, I think I shouldn't have drunk anyething," I explain, trying to sound nonchalant. It really could be worse, I guess. I'll just eat an apple or something later on the way back. He puts his hand on my forehead, and I think I'll never wash my forehead again.

Wash my forehead?! What the fuck?

"Why haven't you eaten?" Still, his voice doesn't sound amused. I would say that I like his voice better when he sounds happy, but that would be a goddamn lie. I like his voice, no matter what.

"I-I wasn't allowed to," I stutter awkwardly. Shit, I shouldn't say that. I haven't planned on telling him such things. Now he'll think I live at some home with abusive parents or anything like that and then he'll pity me. And fuck, I don't want to be pitied by anyone. Most of all, not by Sebastian.

"What the? Who forbid you to eat?" He sounds kind of angry. Is is weird that I think it's fucking hot to hear him like that? Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever.

I open my eyes slowly, and the seconds his eyes meet mine, I feel like the whole world stops. It reminds me of a scene in a movie, I guess. The moment feels like eternity but it's over in a single second. I smile weakly. God, his face and the effect it has on me.

Only then, I notice that there aren't only Sebastian and me. There are a few more people I don't know standing in a half circle around us, watching the scene. Did it really look that tragic, or why do they all have to stare like that? My attention doesn't stay focussed on them for a long time, though, because I suddenly realize that I'm still holding Sebastian's arm tightly, forcing him to kneel down next to me. I blush a dark red and let go off him abruptly. He smirks. Shit.

He stands up, taking my hand to help me get up. The scene is all to familiar to me and my nerves get the best of me, reducing me to a small, blushing idiot again. Finally standing, I am completely unable to concentrate on anything but how close I am standing to him.

Fucking close, only a few inches away.

And once again, I feel too small for this world. "My head kind of hurts, I think I should get going.." I explain, not wanting to talk about the boarding school, my age, or the fact that I've been sneaking out just to meet him here. Hell, Sebastian would think that I am a complete psycho. And maybe I am, but I can't help it. So I'll just flee from the situation, that's clearly the best thing to do now.

He eyes me suspiciously. Fuck, did he notice that it's an excuse. I don't even want to go. Fuck my life, hard.

"Since you said that you haven't eaten in days, we'll go eating something." His voice sounds so strong, this isn't even a question or an offer, it's a demand. Hot. Before I can answer, he suddenly leaves me, not saying a word. This is my chance. If I don't want another awkward situation today, I'd better run now.

But I don't. I just stand there and wait for him to come back to me. I'm so hopeless. Pathetic. Moronic. Ridiculous.. I don't know.

After a minute or two, he returns, grabbing my arm with force, but not in a bad way. By looking at him, you can just tell that he isn't weak. He's naturally strong, I assume. The opposite of me. I have to do a lot of sports just to get a few muscles. And at the moment, I don't have time to do sports at all.

"Can you walk?" He asks, looking down at me, his eyes shining in a dark red. Red eyes. I still don't get it. I don't get shit at the moment. I don't know what's happening to me, seriously.

I nod, staring into his eyes for a second too long. Or two, just maybe. With that, we start walking out of the building. And I'm a nervous wreck.

Alone with Sebastian, eating something. I'm so going to fuck up. I know it.

And hell, I don't care. Shit, even if it's just because he pities me, this can almost be considered a date, now can't it? At least I can fuck up happily.


	4. Chapter 4

_Here it is, chapter number 4 already. They grow up so fast. :') No, seriously, I tried to hurry a bit so y'all don't have to wait that long and here it is. _

_I know I keep repeating myself, but thanks a lot for the reviews and everything else, also, thanks for reading. Feel free to review and blah. _

_Let's end this completely unnecessary note with a Fall out boy quote. 'Free love on the streets, but in the alley it ain't that cheap.' Wahaha, don't ask what's wrong with me today, I don't know myself._

* * *

Once the door is closed behind us and all the noise has finally died down, I take a deep breath. I can do this, I'll behave like a normal human being and stop doing shit I'll regret a second later.

I cross my arms in an attempt to keep myself warm, it's fucking freezing out here, why can't it be summer? Trying to act casually, turning my head a bit so I can look up at Sebastian. His red eyes turn to look at mine and I feel this tickling all over my body again. I blame it on the weather.

Oh, yeah, I'm staring again. Almost forgot. You're not supposed to stare at people. I need to say something. Fuck, what can I say, he looks so damn good in this light, I want to eat him. No, I don't want to eat him, I want to.. I don't really know. I think I'd better keep my mouth shut, or not? Nope. Too late.

"I.. I'm okay, you really don't have to come with me, I don't want to ruin your evening, seriously," I explain quietly. When do I ever speak quietly? And did I just basically tell him that I don't want to spend time with him? But I do. Fuck, and how I want to. More than anything in my goddamn life.

He smiles one of his almost overly charming smiles that never fail to make me go a little insane on the inside, and I force a smile on my lips, as well. Not that I don't feel happy, but I think I'm a little nervous, maybe. However, I still smile back weakly . And he speaks. "You're not ruining anything," and my heart goes like baaaaam, I'll tear your chest apart. These nice words pronounced in that fucking smooth voice. How do I deserve to spend time with someone like him, someone who would rather take care of some weird person he barely knows, than celebrate? A wave of guilt crashes over me like a fucking ocean. Is this my all fault? Am I ruining his evening? I feel like apologizing over and over again, but I don't say anything. So hopeless.

He continues, "And I couldn't just let you get away like that in the middle of the night, who knows, you might run over a street before taking a look or get into some old man's car.."

He smirks, devilishly. Is he mocking me again? Yes. How can he just say something like that a moment after being so nice. And why the hell doesn't it make me freak out instantly? I usually react different if somebody laughs at me. I mean, right now I'm freaking out, but positively.

"Do I have to remind you? I'm not a fucking kid!" I defend myself. The usage of the word fucking made it sound exactly like something a kid would say, though. How ironic.

"Of course not." Sarcasm, pure sarcasm. Sarcasm can be hot, when used by Sebastian. Maybe I'm going insane now officially, what the hell am I thinking?

"Did you just come with me so you could make fun of me?" I ask, trying my best to sound annoyed. But he doesn't buy it. Of course he doesn't. Does he actually know what he's doing to me?

"Is that what it looks like?" He asks and I can't help but to watch his lips as he speaks. They're like magnets, pulling mine towards them and fuck, his lips look so goddamn soft, I'm dying. I really am. I nod, absent-mindedly. He must think I'm mentally ill. But I can't help it, if he'd stop looking like that, I'd stop drooling all over him.

Which I am not. I don't drool over anyone. Damn, holy shit, I need to get my mind together already.

"Are you okay?" The question kicks me out of dreamland and I blink a few times. I hate this, why does this happen to me, why in front of Sebastian? I blush, finally tearing my eyes off his lips.

"I am perfectly fine." I grin like the Cheshire cat. I think my mood switches today are kind of scary, actually. But I can't help it. Women can always blame this on their hormones, but can men? I'm not sure. However, I do. Something's gotta be wrong with me.

"You're shivering." I didn't even notice myself.

"It's just a bit cold, but I'm alright, really." I try to reassure him, I don't want him to care and at the same time, I do. I try to stop staring at him, watching the sidewalk instead, not wanting to trip and fall, or anything like that. Also, looking away means that he can't see the blush that rests on my cheeks despite the cool weather.

Without saying another word, I notice that Sebastian suddenly comes closer and I don't dare to look at what he's doing, fearing that if I'd do, I'd faint again. Any second. I'd fall down unconscious and lay there until I die on the cold floor. But within a second I'm suddenly surrounded by warmth. Warmth. Cozy and warm. Comfortable. Nice.

It takes me a moment to understand what's going on right now. His black jacket, thrown over my shoulders loosely. Oh my Gawd, fuck. I feel like I've been thrown into some Disney movie, some teenage romance that hundreds of girls dream of, but it'll never come true for them. And it just did, but Sebastian is way sexier than any actor from Hollywood could ever be. Why the fuck am I so happy that he did that and why do I think about such things, I'm not even a girl, fuck this. Fuck my existence and my infatuation or whatever it is for Sebastian.

I stop and turn my to look at him, unsure what I am even doing. My heart beats like a cage filled with thousands of butterflies trying to escape. Yep, the butterflies are in my heart, not in my stomach. What a strange world, what a fucking strange human I am.

He eyes me with a smirk on his lips, while I just stare, eyes wide open, questioningly. "Why?"

"Why what?" He asks. Maybe I'm asking silly questions. Whatever.

"Why did you give me your jacket?"

"You said you were cold." He deadpanned. What else could he answer? God, I'm acting even more idiotic that usually. Damn me.

"Well, thanks." I mumble, a blush probably visible on my freezing face. If I'd say my face was cold, what would he do? God, I really need to stop thinking such things. He's making me all weird and I don't like it. Plus, I just sounded like a school girl who's gotten her first kiss. Kiss. Would he kiss me if I asked him to? We start walking again.

Hell, I should really control myself better, the crazier my thoughts get, the bigger is the chance that I'll speak something out that'll destroy everything. What everything? I don't know. I barely know Sebastian. And really, I want to know every single thing about this man. I want to know enough to write a book about him, to make a movie, or just enough to say 'Sebastian, this is not like you' when he behaves strangely. I want to know it all, so it frustrates me all the more when I realize that I do actually know nothing about him. Not a fucking thing.

Yes. I know his name and that he owns a bar. But that's almost equal to nothing. I could cry right now. And I know that he's had sex with one of his employees. I didn't even want to hear about that, but I did. Maybe I should ask him about it later. But that's actually not a topic you just bring up in a discussion. But I want to hear him say that she just joked, that he never did such a thing, that he isn't this kind of person.

What if he is exactly that kind of person?

What if he gives every freezing slut his jacket? If this is just one of those little fucked up come-on ploys of his. What if he just wants to laugh about me feeling special and he actually just wants to fuck a girl at this very moment?! Seriously, I'm on the verge of tears right now, thinking about this. I cry when I'm upset. And damn, I'm upset. But I can't say a _fucking_ thing to him because we don't even know each other and I'll just scare him away and he'll think of me as a stalker if I tell him that I don't want him to dream about having sex with any girl when he's walking around with me in the middle of the night! I feel like screaming and ramming a dagger into someone. And like eating tons of chocolate.

Indeed, as I said earlier, mood swings.

After another minute of us walking through the city and me glancing at Sebastian from time to time, calming myself down a bit, we're finally there. I believe so, at least. We're walking to the front door of some old fashioned, white building. It seems there are still some people inside, despite the late hour, and in front of the door, there are some smokers freezing their ass off. Smokers. Fuck, I need a smoke. Out of habit, my hands search for my cigarettes and light, and I light a cigarette between my lips, inhaling the grey smoke deeply and feeling my body calm down a bit.

I shouldn't smoke, I know. My doctor has told me a few times already, and not only because I am young, but also because I have asthma. Asthma and smoking - not a good combination, sadly. I keep telling myself that I'll stop tomorrow, it kind of silences my conscience. It's only after releasing another puff of smoke, that I notice Sebastian glaring at me.

"What?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Smokers are bad kissers, you know?" I coughed. What? I definitely didn't expect_ this_ answer.

"Well, I haven't heard any complaints so far," I smile and blow some smoke into his face. I'm really good at making myself look and sound like some cheap back-alley whore.

"Well, not everyone speaks out what they're thinking." Seriously, why do I suddenly feel like the whore in that whole thing? I'm not a whore. And hopefully not a bad kisser, either. I'm not that holy, of course I've kissed a few girls and even a boy, once. When I'm drunk, I do such things. It's normal, everyone does. But it's really not like anyone has ever complained about my kissing abilities. I could come up with something like 'want me to prove it?', but that would be too cliché now and I'm too afraid of him saying no. God, I wouldn't be able to survive such an embarrassment, I think.

"Asshole." With that, I let the cigarette butt fall on the floor and walk past Sebastian, entering the warm building. Luckily, he follows. The smell of food makes my empty stomach growl even more than it had for the last days. I look around, searching for an empty desk, which is surprisingly hard to find. I never knew how many people were that hungry at night. After a few seconds, though, I notice Sebastian taking hold of my arm and leading me.. Wait, what? Fuck, he's touching me. My arm. I'm in somewhat of a shock before I follow him towards the other side of the room. My heart jumps and my mind's blank. I wonder if he saw that desk because he's so much bigger than me. I wonder why I think about something like that. I'm silly, aren't I?

I already dread the second we'll arrive at the table because he'll let go of my hand, taking me out of my little piece of heaven, again. Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless, the choir in my head sings. And we're there already. As expected, he lets go of my arm. And still, I feel disappointed. Do I look like I am fucking able to walk without you holding me, Sebastian?! Nope. I mean, yes. I mean, whatever. So I just sit down on the cushioned, wooden chair, place Sebastian's jacket on my lap and take a look at my surroundings. Fuck, this isn't just some normal restaurant, is it? The walls are painted a bright beige and there are some expensive looking paintings decorating them. On each desk, there is a burning candle and a vase with purple flowers. All in all, it looks really expensive.

And I suddenly feel out of place. All the people here are clad nicely and everything looks so fucking neat. Why did we go here, I would have been totally fine with eating at some Mc Donalds. Seriously, I would have been way more comfortable there. I let my eyes wander in Sebastian's direction, who is sat on the other side of the two person table, unsure of what to do or say. I feel like Julia Roberts in pretty woman, a bit. And nope, my aunt forced me to watch that movie with her, it was not my idea. Sebastian, who either doesn't notice me being uncomfortable, or bluntly decided to ignore it, doesn't say anything about my behavior and instead just asks me what I want to eat. I think for a moment. What do they serve in restaurants like this one? Should I order something special? I don't have that much money with me and I actually don't like others paying for my stuff.

"Uhm, I think I'll just eat a pizza. Do they have pizza here?" Sebastian cracks a smile at my question.

"They have almost everything here, pizza really shouldn't be a problem," he answers. I smile back, happy that I at least don't have to worry about that. There's something that's making me a lot more nervous, anyways. I'm sitting opposite Sebastian and we're in a fucking noble restaurant.

What the fuck, this is a date, isn't it?

At least, that's what I want to think. So I call it a date. In my mind. I'd never speak that out.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd almost say I feel like I'm on a date." I smirk.

Wait. What? NO!

No. I didn't just actually say that. Fuck. No. I want to disappear and sit in the corner of a padded cell, shaking, until I die. I want to jump off a bridge or something. Anything.

Sebastian chuckles as he watches the emotions in my face change from happy to shocked and ultimately to pure horror. Or at least, I guess that's why he chuckles. I can't know.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, then consider this to be a date," he explains. No. No. No.

My life is fucked up. What's this supposed to mean? Can't he articulate himself properly?! Can't he say 'Yeah, it is a date.' Or 'No, of course not!'  
He can't. Or he just doesn't want to. I don't know. Whatever, I'm fucking clueless.

Man, nobody has ever confused me like he does on regular basis. Never in my young life.

I blush and stare at the effortfully folded napkin on the desk in front of me as if it is the most fucking interesting thing in the whole world. The most interesting thing in the world is sitting right on the other side of the desk, though, but I dare not look at him. He's surely smirking in that devilish way he usually does.

"I didn't mean it in that way.." I try to defend myself, but in all honesty, it just makes it seem as if I meant it exactly that way. Damn this. When I'm with Sebastian, I have the self esteem of a person with social anxiety.

Luckily, the waiter, an avuncular, old man with grey hair and a beard arrives, taking Sebastian's order. Or rather, my order.

"And would you like anything to drink, as well?" Sebastian turns around to look at me, questioningly. Oh, those eyes, fuck. There's just something about them that I can't quite name, but it makes you forget everything when you look into them.

"Uhm, a glass of wine, maybe?" I suggest, making it seem more like a question than an answer. He nods and orders a bottle of wine. I just hope that it's for the two of us, because if I have to drink a whole bottle alone now, I'll be too drunk to climb back into my room, later. Or to even find the way back there. Hopefully, I won't be too drunk, that would be pretty much fucked up. Like, really fucked up. However, even then, I wouldn't regret it. Spending a whole night with Sebastian is definitely worth this.

"So, you still haven't told me why you weren't allowed to eat," even when he talks about something matter of factly, Sebastian manages to have a bit of a sexy tone in his voice. Okay, okay. Not only a bit, actually. He sounds like a porn star to my ears, no matter what he says. Is that a weird thing? Maybe, maybe not.

But fuck. What do I tell him? Should I say the actual truth, involving the fact that I climbed out of my window like a fucking lunatic, just to spend time with him, or just parts of it? Not everything, that's for sure.

"Because I refused to apologize." Maybe if I say short sentences instead of telling a long story, he'll stop asking.

"Apologize?" He doesn't stop asking. Sebastian raises a brow to emphasize that I should explain instead of answering with a 'yes.' I sigh.

"To my teacher. I kind of got angry in class because he kept on talking about god, Jesus, the bible.." I rol my eyes while explaining this, then continue, ".. whatever. And then he screamed at me for not listening properly. All I said was that I see no need to listen to such bullshit. And well yeah, he kind of freaked out, punched me and told me I wouldn't be allowed to eat anything until I apologize." I shrug it off, not wanting Sebastian to pity me. I don't like to be pitied.

Sebastian just keeps on listening to my little explanation and when I am finished, the look on his face has changed from indifference to anger. Yes. He looks angry by now. And god, maybe that shouldn't be the first thing to think of when you see an angry person, but it's goddamn fucking mind wrecking hot, when said person is Sebastian, honestly. I feel my already increased pulse fasten even more at the image.

"What kind of a fucking teacher is that? And your parents simply accepted that? I mean, do you still live at your parents' or what?"

Now this is getting to the point where I would usually shut up. I don't really like to talk about my parents, I tend to avoid this subject, because it's too much to explain and way too much for the most people to fully understand, anyways. Once you tell someone about something like that, they tend to think of you as a fragile little doll and think twice before saying anything that might hurt my feelings. I don't want Sebastian to be like that, I like the way he treats me, actually. Even if he mocks me from time to time, it's still better than otherwise. However, I'll need to explain at least a bit.

"I don't have parents." I speak this out in routine, sounding a bit bitter. That's what I usually say if someone asks, even though it's only half true. "And no, I actually live at my aunt's. But she didn't have the time or simply didn't want to take care of me any longer, so she brought me to the boarding school in town," I explain, guilty puppy expression on my face. I think I just confessed that I lied to him about my age. Fuck. What will he think of me now? He must think that I'm some stupid little kid and.. hell, his eyes. For a moment, I just stare into his eyes again and even if you can tell, by looking at them, that he knows I lied about that, I kind of get lost in them. It's like I imagine dying. You know that something's up, but then the world just stops to be so loud, so annoying and you don't fight back. Except for my heart goes faster when looking at them and doesn't stop.

"Oh, I'm sorry if you don't like to talk about it. But what kind of a boarding school punishes students with starvation?!" He stops speaking when the waiter comes back to our desk, placing the bottle of red wine along with two glasses on the table, filling both of them half.

Sebastian gives a short, friendly, 'thanks', and then, his mood changes again; back to anger. "And what kind of a teacher is this to punch you, seriously?!" Even though it's obvious he's trying to stay as calm as possible, I think if Mr Spears was anywhere near us now, he'd have to fear Sebastian killing him. God, why do I find this so fucking hot?! This doesn't make sense. Fuck, I'm not some psychopath, killing teachers is not hot, even if a lot of persons probably fantasize about it.

"He's a bastard. However, I refused to apologize to him, so I can't eat anything there."

"But you can just go out and walk around in town?!" Sebastian eyes me in disbelief. Of course, this wouldn't make any sense.

"Nope, actually not.." I try to think of something to say, but I really can't think of any lie that would be logical. Damn, why is the truth always either painful or embarrassing?!

"I sneak out sometimes at night because if I'd have to stay in there for too long, I'd become as much of a brain dead zombie as they are." I laugh a bit. That's exactly what they are. Freaks, zombies, weirdos, idiots.

"Is it that bad there?" Sebastian asks, sounding concerned. Once I'm back in that hell, I'll have so many things to think about, I'm spending a whole goddamn evening with him. Shit, I still fail to fully realize my luck. He's spending his time just with me and nobody else. I feel special. And weird. But mostly special. I smile.

"It is. But I'm alright, don't worry." I really don't want to spend all the time I have with Sebastian talking about that place. I take a sip of wine. Tastes good, indeed.

"However, tell me something about yourself, do you live in this town?" I ask quickly, making it clear that the previous topic has been discussed discussed more than enough.

"Yes, I do have an apartment here." Sebastian answered. "You can come over if you want to, anytime." My jaw drops and my heart beats like after a marathon.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Did Sebastian just invite me to visit his apartment?! Fuck yeah, he did. Not in a perverted way, but still. I think my dopamine level just increased tenfold. I'm like a smiley, one with a body, though.

"I.. I.. thanks." I stutter like crazy and wear the silliest smile ever, but I don't care. Even though I behave like a madman, Sebastian invites me over. This must mean he at least likes me a bit. Fuck. My brain. Too much to manage all at once. I breathe out.

Sebastian smiles kindly and I slightly jump in surprise when suddenly, a plate is put on the desk in front of me. I take a look at the pizza, practically dying to get to eat something. I'm fucking starving, but I won't forget my manners. I wait until the waiter is gone.

Now, time to fuck my manners!

Looking at Sebastian, who eyes me with a knowing smirk on his lips, I begin shoveling pieces of pizza into my mouth after cutting them in a way some survival trainer would. I don't usually eat like that, but after a few days without any food, you don't care about the way you eat anymore that much. Even if you're in a fucking noble restaurant and feel watched by all the others, you just don't care.

After like five minutes of me eating like a hungry animal and Sebastian smirking at me, my plate was fucking empty, not a single crumb left. And even if logically my body can't even really notice it yet, I already feel way healthier than I did before. I grin at Sebastian.

"Did it taste good?" He asked, making me smile even more for some reason.

"It did."

"Good. Do you want a dessert or something?"

Fuck, I love desserts. Anything with enough sugar makes me happy as hell, but right now, when I don't know whether he'll insist on paying or not, I think I won't eat one, it would make me feel like taking advantage of Sebastian's kindness. Which I don't want to. Seriously not.

"Nope, I'm full." I try to make it sound as convincing as I can. He nods and then, calls for the waiter, paying the bill without even giving me the chance to say that I want to pay for myself. I fucking suspected it.

I drink the rest of my wine, waiting for Sebastian to finish his, too. You wonder if someone can look hot when drinking? Oh yes. He definitely can. I quietly watch him, hoping for his eyes to really be closed as he takes the last few sips. He places the glass on the desk, his eyes instantly finding mine. And I feel caught in the act of staring at him and, blushing a bit, look away. With that, he gets up. And so do I, carrying his black jacket with me. I think I want to make a blanket out of this. I'd really like to sleep in it every night, I'd definitely have nice dreams then.

Once we're out of the building again, walking down a few stairs, the cold and for a city, surprisingly fresh air, hits me, making a shiver run down my spine. I really don't like it that cold, nope.

As my eyes stop on a couple of smokers standing in front of us, I try hard to ignore the urge to light a cigarette myself, feeling Sebastian look at me sternly from the side.

Maybe I have a better idea than to smoke a cigarette right now. I smirk, maybe it's the alcohol that's taking it's control over my mind, or maybe it's just because I'm silly today, but in a split a second, I grab Sebastian's arm, making him turn around and face me, our height almost equal because I'm still a few stairs further up than he is, I crash my lips onto his, the sudden feeling and the realization of what I am doing completely overcharging me. The feeling of his soft, but rough lips against mine is simply too much to even try and put it into words. I close my eyes, moving my lips against his and kind of enjoying the shock he seems to be in.

I don't feel my body anymore. Everything I am is put into that kiss, no matter how insane this might sound.

But it is nothing compared to how it feels when Sebastian suddenly rudely pulls me closer, making me almost lose balance, and responds to the kiss eagerly. I widen my eyes in shock, am I dreaming? Surely not, this is way too real, way too hot. I open my mouth wider, trying to see just how far I can go. Far, it seems. He instantly notices, his tongue entering my mouth and sensually, touching mine. My heart.

Fuck, I am dying, is the only thing I can think of, the only thing I can feel right now.

Nothing ever felt this fucking good. This is not a kiss, this is mouth sex. Or more than that, I don't know. I don't even notice as he shoves me against the nearby wall, still not breaking the kiss. I never knew I liked it rough, but maybe I do. I move my hands towards his neck, pulling him tighter towards me, if possible. By now he _must _be able to feel the beating of my heart, because fuck, it's beating hard and he's so fucking close, I can't even breathe anymore, the feeling of our tongues against each other's more important than anything in the world right now.

After what feels like hours, but at the same time, like one second that is over too fucking fast, he breaks the kiss. My breathing's erratic and I feel like I'm flying.

"Am I really that bad of a kisser?" I ask innocently, trying to make it sound as if I didn't jump him like a horny bitch a few moments ago.


	5. Chapter 5

_Yo hoes! First of all, thanks to all of you who read this story, reviewed, faved, and follow. Really, you're awesome, if I could, I'd give all of you a big, fat kiss on the forehead. _

_Sorry for the cliffhanger, really. Thing is that I gotta stop the chapters somewhere, sadly. So sometimes there has to be such a terrible, terrible thing. ;(_

_Whatever. I hope this chapter's okay, our school is flooded, so I just chilled out with friends all day and wrote. (Yes, I had to mention this. Our school is fucking flooded! That's what summer in Germany is like. But seriously, feels like extra holidays, I'm so hippie happy, I could vanish into the air.) Please tell me what you think about the chapter, whether it's good or bad, in case it's good, it might make me write faster. _

_Love, peace, weed and freedom!  
_

* * *

Oh. My. Fucking. Gosh.

I actually just did that. And said that. And felt that. And I didn't faint. I try not to look too surprised about myself and fake a somewhat confident smirk. I'm mentally dying. I think I'm on the verge of a panic attack.

"Well, I didn't feel a single thing," Sebastian whispers almost huskily into my ear, the action totally contradicting the words. What? He challengingly smirks down at me. Seriously, what? I feel my jaw drop and my eyes narrow at him. 'You can't be honest' is written all over my face right now, having replaced the previous smirk. Am I a bad kisser? Is he joking? My chest stirs. Seriously, I mean, what the fuck? I risk a fucking goddamn heart attack by kissing him, being so fucking brave and what's the answer?

Nothing. Not a fucking thing. Being an asshole. No shock, no hesitation, he just mocks me. I want to die. All he does is smirk at me with that devilishly sexy expression of his that makes me want to be manhandled by him right here where we're standing like I never wanted anything before. I don't know what I want.  
But fuck, that manhandle thing sounds good to me. Since when do I think such things? I blush, maybe I am a whore, after all.  
Blame my hormones, but there's no way I can tear my eyes off him. I have the feeling that my whole body is shivering, in complete shock about what I've done a few seconds ago and the answer I got. Can someone shoot me?

Damn. I'm more than freaking hopeless, but he's more than fucking hot. Maybe I do have a thing for assholes. Or just for Sebastian, probably just for him. Is he actually an asshole?

Honestly, I think it's kind of pissing me off how much of a confused mess he makes out of me. Or maybe it's frustrating me, even. I can't really tell, it's something in between, I guess.

"I take that I don't get a second try?" I half question and half suggest, using a pleading look that's not so entirely fake and bat my eyelashes a bit. Damn, that just sounded fucking coquettish, didn't it? I never knew I could sound that way. I look him in the eye, trying to decipher what he's thinking. I fail. Sebastian is a fucking mystery to me, I can't really understand him and for some reason I actually care about what he thinks, which only worsens the situation. Fucked up, isn't it?

I hold my breath. God, he is so going to laugh at me. I feel insecure like never before in my life. But I hide it. Or I try. He's probably about to just give me a mean answer. I don't know,but I have have this feeling that he'll do something like that. He really does enjoy torturing me, I can tell that much. My chest hurts from all the hard beating inside.  
Right now, it seems Sebastian has other intentions than just to mock me. My brain's on standby.

It's either because I've been forced to say so many goddamn prayers lately or just simply because the universe loves me, but fuck, I don't care. For in the moment his lips are pressed to mine again, I don't care about anything anymore, not a single fucking thing in the world. Nothing matters.

I think, I can die happily now. Sebastian is kissing the little, idiotic, nervous me.

It's almost scary, how in a mere few seconds, the tables have turned like that. Entirely. It's not bitchy little Ciel attacking Sebastian anymore, it's the other way around all of a sudden. Guess what? I think I like it even better that way, now that I'm the one who's been taken by surprise. Not _taken _taken, but actually taken by surprise. In a good way. And this really doesn't happen often to me. If we weren't busy kissing, I'd smile now.

As he leans closer, pressing me against the nearby wall again, Sebastian's mouth moving against mine slowly, his tongue begging for entrance, I can do nothing but eagerly permit him to do as he pleases. I wouldn't be able to stop him, anyways. I don't want to. Hell, I want anything but that. My whole body is out of my control and my brain's a rainbow colored puddle somewhere in the back of my head. It's worse than being drunk or high, because honestly, fuck, it's more intense.  
It's better.

It feels like the time's standing still and we're the only living things in the world. Sebastian's holding my waist, the places where his hands rest tickle in that strange way I never felt before, while I'm moving my hands upwards his chest, feeling the muscles underneath the fabric, until my hands reach his neck. The feeling of touching him is addictive. And I'm the fucking addict who can't get enough. Maybe it's unhealthy, but I can't help but feel the need to pull him even closer to me, as if someone is going to suddenly rip the two of us apart. Or maybe, I just like being close to him.

And man, how much I do like that, more than thousands of words could ever describe.

With his tongue brushing against mine in a way more sensual kiss than the earlier one, I can feel his every movement is making my heart beat faster. Even though I try, I don't stand a chance when our tongues fight for dominance. It feels almost surreal. I can't help but to giggle into the kiss. Wait, uhm, moment.  
_What the fuck?_ My eyes are as wide as plates in an instant.

Did I actually just giggle like a fucking girl?! Shit, no. That simply can't be true. I really never fail to embarrass myself in front of him. This must be the alcohol. It _must.  
_But really, I think it isn't. It's not because of alcohol but because of Sebastian. He's the reason for me going crazy. And he's a fucking good kisser. Is there anything he's not good at? I feel worthless. Everybody is, compared to him.

He pulls away and I let out a disappointed sigh as the warm sensation disappears so suddenly, even though my body is desperately begging for some air, actually. Probably his does, too, seeing how our chests move almost violently against each other. Fuck, I still don't get it. I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined to ever be this close to Sebastian and yet, I am. So fucking close, it's literally breathtaking to be in his arms. I'd gladly faint now.

However, I wonder. Just what does this actually make us?

I have no idea.

It doesn't matter anyway. I need no label to be happy with whatever this is supposed to be right now. And asking would be awkward as hell. And I've done more than enough awkward things already today. I'll keep my mouth shut for once. I will. I look at up Sebastian and I can't help but smile.

I feel fucking silly right now.

"You know, with some training you might get better, even though you'll still taste like an ash tray." He smirks. I take a breath. Again. I don't know, that was so fucking cliché, if anyone else would have said it, I would have laughed. But I don't laugh, instead my cheeks heat up and my pulse starts to quicken once more. God, I don't know if I should feel pissed or flustered. I look away, suddenly feeling too shy to even hold his gaze. Flustered, it is, then.

"Well, fine. If you hate it that much, then don't harass me like that," I state coldly. As cold as I can when he's close. Not really cold. It sounds like some kind of a sexual roleplay a bit. I wonder, does Sebastian do stuff like that? God, brain. Shut up. I feel the urge to look down, as if he could hear what I'm thinking. Aw, this is confusing as shit. Can't life be simple?

He raises a brow, smirk still visible. When did I look up again? Am I slowly losing my mind?  
"Harass? I'm not the one refusing to let you go." Whuat?  
Oh yeah, my arms. Wrapped around him, holding him in place. Yes, I remember. God, how can I fucking forget about something as important as that? I let my arms drop down instantly, cross them, and hide my face under my bangs, not even wanting to see his triumphant smirk. What am I doing? I'm ruining everything. Sebastian must be tired of me by now.  
Damn, I hate myself sometimes. I hope Sebastian doesn't hate me, but how can he not? God, I'd kill myself if he would. I'm so nuts, I don't even know what I'm thinking.

"Sorry, I was just.. I, uhm. I think maybe I'm ..drunk. I didn't want to fall." Oh honestly, no. Nope. What did I just say? Fuck. I think I'm retarded. I'm a fucking failure. And why the hell do I have mood swings like a pregnant woman when I'm with him? Honestly, this is ridiculous. I need a pill or something. Drugs might be a good solution. Or a therapy.

"Ah, I see.." I can hear in his voice how hard it is for him to suppress a laughter. He'd better not laugh now if he doesn't want any further argument with me. Well, there'll be more arguing anyway, I guess. But still, he'd better not.. provoke it. But on the other hand, when we argue, I can hear his voice..

God, the way he runs a hand through his black messy hair. How can hair look that fucking silky and soft? And his mouth, his eyes. That face. Why is he a bar owner and not a model?

Shit, I'm staring again. It's like my eyes have a free will, as soon as I stop paying attention to what they do, they instantly find his strikingly red ones again. It's idiotic, it really is. Pathetic. I am. I'm acting like a fucking stalker. Or worse, I'm acting like Elizabeth.

No, I'm not as scary as her. Well, am I a normal stalker? Maybe a little bit, just maybe.

There's a moment of not too uncomfortable silence between us until Sebastian speaks up again, unreadable expression on his face. Not that it doesn't look good, I just don't know what he's thinking about. Why can't I be fucking telepathic? That would help for sure. He moves his hands to rest on my back again. I'm trapped between him and a wall. Fuck, I couldn't possibly enjoy being trapped any more.

"If you're really that drunk, I'd gladly offer you to stay at my apartment tonight. Of course only if you want. I could even make you a hangover breakfast."  
..Oh, well. From asshole to gentleman in a few seconds? But wait, did he actually just say that? Oh my god, oh my god. I mean, god. Shit. What am I supposed to answer? With the enthusiasm of a nine year old Justin Bieber fan, I just nod my head, not even thinking it through. I'm pretty sure my brain enjoys to fuck with me.

"Yes, of course, if you don't mind having me there." Did that sound too excited?! Creepy?! Perhaps. I bite my lip slightly, only now noticing that the taste of Sebastian still on my tongue. It tastes as good as my favorite cake, but different. Not explainable. Thinking about the coming night at Sebastian's apartment, I almost flip. I'm not the type to be so excited about anything, it just doesn't suit me in my opinion. But I am right now, I really cannot help it. It's not only that my heart seems to beat wildly, which doesn't count because I'm so close to Sebastian, but all in all I feel so damn hyper, I feel like running against a wall. I'd better not do that. Pills might really be a good idea.

He smiles one of his capturing smiles. He really has perfect teeth, I just now notice. My mouth has been against his just a few seconds ago, I realize. "Well, let's keep going then." We're still standing here, as good as no space between us, though. I think I'm comfortable that way.

"Don't you have to go back to your bar first?" I ask, unsure if he actually forgot about that. He doesn't seem to be the type to forget anything. Plus, talking stalls for time. Time when we're so goddamn close to each other that I my head feels blurry. I feel almost comatose, it's just so much to handle at once. His pure presence, his smell, his voice. I feel like a fat child in a pancake house, allowed to buy anything it wants.

"I told Meyrin to take care of that," he answers smoothly, like a brothel owner talking about one of his whores. As I thought, all prepared. But that name. Meyrin. I feel my eye twitch a bit as it is mentioned. _The bitch._ The bitch who was all too sure I was going to be Sebastian's type. Even if I can't stand the thought of her being right, I kind of hope she is, maybe. I'd never admit that.

"Oh.. uhm okay." I sound a bit frustrated. I'm thinking about what she said earlier. Am I going to be just like her, someone Sebastian 'fucked once or twice years ago'? I don't want that. I hope he doesn't notice my change in behavior. He does of course and raises an eyebrow, but doesn't question it any further. I pretend to not notice anything and instead, push him off me a bit so I can move and start walking away from the restaurant, taking small steps. I can't really deal with how confused I am and I have no idea where I'm actually going. All I can do is hope that he'll catch up with me before I have to decide whether to go right or left. Two blonde girls, standing in a few feet away,giggle, looking from me to Sebastian flirtatiously. Their clothes in combination with their flirting shows just what they have on their mind. Seriously, have they no better place to be in the middle of the fucking night? Their parents wouldn't be proud. I glare at them, making sure they know that they don't have a chance. Dare Sebastian look at them now. I turn around. Bastard is actually smiling at the two of them. No. Whores! Bitches. I take a few steps forwards, grabbing his hand and dragging him away from them. Me, jealous? Nope, never.

Sebastian just chuckles and I spontaneously decide to go left, not wanting to ask him right now. It's only when we're round the corner and out of the girls' sight, that I notice what I'm actually doing and I let go of his hand regretfully. I like the feeling of his hands. Luckily it's pretty dark, so he doesn't see me blush like mad. I really can't once behave myself, now can I? I acted like a jealous girlfriend I once had, only worse. I barely know him for more than a few hours.

"Sooo, do we have to walk far?" I obviously try to distract him with silly small talk or whatever this is supposed to be. It's so fucking obvious that I want to laugh at myself. I notice red eyes gazing at me from the side, but I pretend I don't. I kind of enjoy the fact that he's staring at me for once, not the other way around. Probably it's just because he thinks I'm strange or creepy, but fuck, I don't care, I'm still kind of light headed from the kisses. And we're on the way to his apartment. God, my life.

"No, it's just two blocks away, not that far," he answers, "And what was all that about?" He looks at me questioningly but somewhat amused.

Oh please not. Everything, but not _that_ question. I try to find words that might actually explain what it was about. I can't. Really.

"What are you talking about?" I try to make it sound as if I really don't even remember, as if it was nothing. Seriously, I don't expect it to work myself, but it's the only thing I can come up with right now.

"Oh, c'mon. Were you jealous of these girls?" He laughs. My eyes widen. He actually asked that. He thinks of it as something funny. Am I that obvious? Fucking shit. I glare.

"_Obviously_ I was _not_ jealous. I was cold and if you wouldn't have hurried up a bit, we'd still be standing there. If you haven't noticed it yet, it's fucking freezing." I keep lying and lying and the later it gets, the dumber my lies become. He laughs quietly and my heart beats faster. I sigh, taking out one of my cigarettes, if only to piss Sebastian off. I hate it when people laugh at me. Also, pissing him off should be fun, I don't like to be the one who's being fucked with all the time.

Nope, I'm totally not acting childish right now.

"You didn't look as if you were cold earlier." He just keeps right on. I glare again, blush and take a drag of my cigarette, stealing a glance at him. I don't even understand why he hates it so much to see me smoking. Does he think I'm too ugly to smoke? Wait, can one be too ugly to smoke? He glares back sternly.

Oh, are you a little pissed, Sebastian? Wonderful. I smirk.

I think I have a fetish for fighting with him. Well, not really fighting, just for annoying him. I release some smoke into the cold night air. "Oh, I really was," I explain innocently. His stern gaze doesn't fade and just as he is about to suggest that I can have his jacket, I speak up.

"Look at that, Sebastian, French Inhale," I announce challengingly and inwardly smirk, lucky that I found such an easy way to piss him off. I don't want anymore talking about what happened earlier. He turns around to fully face me and the annoyed glare he's giving me is priceless. As I show him one of my few smoker tricks, my eyes are focused solely on him the whole time, trying to make out what he's thinking about it.

"God, stop that," he demands, but not as pissed off as I expected. He laughs. Oh, what a nice compliment to my abilities. For some reason, I can't help but laugh a bit, as well. Did he actually see through my genius plan of trying to piss him off?

"Awwh, don't tell me you didn't find it erotic at all," I fake disappointment. I'm not sure, am I disappointed?

"Not in the slightest," he answers, but the smirk on his lips and the tone of his voice kind of tell me otherwise. Damn, why can't he be a bit easier to read for fuck's sake? So I just stand here and stare dumbly at him, trying to figure out an answer.

"Asshole," works always. I pout and look at him accusingly.

"It just doesn't suit your general cuteness, that's all, love." Now I have two reasons to freak out again just because of this one sentence. He said I was cute and he called me 'love'. Holy fuck. My mind can't comprehend this. I'm torn between blushing and screaming at him that I am not cute. I go for both.

My cheeks are colored such a dark shade of pink that he can probably see it, despite the darkness and I have this idiotic smile all over my face that just won't disappear, while I complain, "You idiot, I am not cute." He calls me love, I call him an idiot. And still, both kind of has the same meaning in my opinion. Strange.

"What are you then?" he's still laughing a bit. So am I.

What am I? A creepy little whore with a crazy ass infatuation for you, Sebastian. Not cute at all, huh?

"Nothing. I'm just normal." These words don't describe the idiocy that is me in the slightest.

"No, you're not."

"Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"Not entirely," he smirks again. My heart, my brain. Too much confusion for me. I don't even know what exactly is going on anymore.

* * *

Two blocks doesn't sound like much of a tour, but seriously, when it's cold as fuck and you're looking forward to spending the night in a warm apartment, with someone whom you're enchanted by, it feels like a fucking lifetime. Of course, stealing glances at Sebastian from time to time and talking a bit, helps, but I'd rather have him cuddle me. Or no cuddling, that sounds strange. Maybe other things. Whatever.

God, I'm freezing. And I'm trying not to complain because I don't want to annoy him or the mood. And I have no idea how much longer we have to walk. I sigh, I can't feel my feet anymore, why didn't I choose to wear something warmer? My thin jacket's not helping a bit and anyways, since being so close to Sebastian, I have the feeling everything without him being so close to me, is cold as fuck. I don't know, hard to describe.

We suddenly make halt in front of a big, modern looking building. It looks newer than the other buildings around and the small garden in front of it is cut nicely, even though it looks relatively empty and gray in the moonlight, actually. It's too cold for flowers at the moment, I guess.

Sebastian looks at me, as if to make sure I'll follow. Do I look like I'm about to run away? Of course, with every step we take closer to the building, I'm becoming more and more nervous, but I'm kind of nervous all the time around him. Well, I guess it's not the uncomfortable kind of nervous, but I'm excited, nonetheless. I have no idea what we are going to do. I mean, seriously, from what I've heard already, I'd guess he'll take me home, fuck me, and wave goodbye to me in the morning. Like he does with his usual sluts. But no,

I won't be that easy.

I don't know why I think I'll accomplish anything by that, but even when I'm fucking dying to be touched by him, I'm so not going to just give in, I decide. A bit, maybe. But not fully.

I hurry up a bit to catch up with him. Standing in front of the door, I watch him quietly as he fumbles in his pockets for the key. For some reason watching him is always interesting to me, no matter what he's doing. It's strange. Once he finally found it and the door is opened, I rush inside. He follows. The sudden warmth causes me to shiver even more for a moment. I'm so going to get sick. But I don't mind. There are way more important things to think about now.

"Are you alright?" hearing his voice again after a few minutes of silence makes even more goosebumps appear on my body.

"I? Y-Yeah, why not?" Yep, I just stuttered. I've done worse things in front of him and it's fucking cold, so this doesn't even count as embarrassing anymore. His eyes lighten up in a fuchsia red as he looks at me. "You're shivering." I look down. I really am pretty much shivering like hell. I didn't even notice.

He comes closer, laying a hand on my cheek. I want to kiss him so fucking much right now, the surprisingly warm hand against my face feels almost too comforting and I let out a soft sigh. Sebastian has, for some strange reason, the ability to make me forget everything and everyone. It's like a goddamn dream, I still can't believe everything that happened today.

"You're ice-cold, let's get you warmed up before you get sick." I nod. Honestly, I'm kind of disappointed. All I wanted was another kiss. But maybe he's kind of right, I am freezing. It surprises me how Sebastian can be such an asshole at times and still so caring. Is he like this with everyone? I sigh again, it's hopeless, no matter what he does, I think he's perfect anyway.

After walking up the stairs to the second floor, he takes a moment to open the other door. I shriek as the door opens up and something big jumps me like wild, almost making me fall back. I take a breath. A.. dog?

"Pluto, sit!" Sebastian sounds annoyed, but not overly so. I would have never though of Sebastian to be the dog kind of person. I stare at the big white animal.

"Sorry about him, he's a friend's and I take care of him for the week, but that animal just won't stop barking and causing trouble. That's why I prefer cats." I nod. Told you, it's easily visible when someone doesn't truly love an animal. I extend my hand to the dog, and it instantly starts licking it. This reminds me of someone.. I have to wash my hand, I guess.

Once the dog and we are finally inside his apartment, I take a look around. Everything looks neat and clean, the furniture looks modern and nice. I decide that I like it here, I wouldn't mind visiting Sebastian more often. I don't tell him, though, I really shouldn't say things that sound so much like something a stalker would say. I still shiver slightly, but it's getting better.

"Can I wash my hands anywhere?" I ask. Obviously I can. Why do people, including me, always ask if they can and not where they can? And why do I even think about such things?

"The bathroom's over there," he points at a closed door. I enter the bathroom, wash my hands with warm water and look at my reflection in the mirror. I look goddamn frozen to death, the blue of my lips almost matching my hair.

Fuck, I am in Sebastian's apartment and I'm complaining because it's a bit cold. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to do something, I need to have some kind of a plan at least. A smile crosses my face. I might have a bit of an idea.

I exit the room, closing the door behind me and walk over to Sebastian who's currently making a tea for me, it seems. Hopefully for me,I can already smell it from the distance. Earl Grey, fuck yeah, my favorite tea ever. I smile.

"Sebastian, I am cold," I whine and move closer to him. He turns around, a few black locks falling into his face. I take another step closer towards him and brush them out of his face slowly. He's already touched my face, but I haven't touched his. Until now. Freaking unfair, isn't it? I smile.

"You can take a shower if you want to.." he suggests. Bastard. He knows damn well what I'm talking about, he just wants to hear me actually say it. Or doesn't he?

Fuck my life now, I'm doing this. Earl Grey will have to wait.

"Do you have any other idea how to warm me up?" I ask, stunned that I actually got my voice to sound somewhat seductive.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey guys. (:_

_So here's another chapter, finally. I've been like really busy, so it took me forever to finish this, I'm really sorry. _

_Thanks to all of you who read this and write reviews or follow or fav or whatever, just wanted to tell you you're awesome. Seriously, I appreciate it and it makes me happy. And when Anna is happy, that means that she'll work harder and that you'll get to read more SebbyxCiel sex soon, which hopefully makes you happy. It's a big circle. So let's all be happy together. :'D _

_Whatever. Sorry, I'm being silly again. _

_Enjoy; hopefully. _

* * *

Red eyes turn to look at me and for a moment, I forget to breathe. Goosebumps, heartbeat. Nausea. I'm insane, why did I do this? What am I thinking? Since when do I suggest such things? And so fast; I don't know. I'm a bitch it seems. Didn't I promise myself a few minutes earlier that I wasn't going to be that easy? Isn't this the plan? Really, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing or what the look on Sebastian's face means.

Why doesn't he fucking answer? Does he want to see me die of nervousness?

I'm so gonna need some kind of a sedative or something if I want to spend more time with Sebastian from now on. I can't even think properly and it can't be good for my body and my mind to react this way. I just don't know. Really.

Maybe I should have thought of an actual plan instead of just some blunt action?! I'm feeling so fucking hyper, I don't realize it myself, but I'm pressing my body against his, my hands taking hold of his black suit. I never really was a fan of suits. Right now, I am. Or maybe not, I'd actually rather enjoy seeing it laying on the floor.

No! I need to focus. Not easy. Not a whore. Different. Or something close to that.

My usual confidence is nowhere in sight and I feel like a small baby kitten. Blind, deaf, inexperienced with the world. Insecure. Helpless. This seems this happens each time after I do something that's like the normal me when I'm with him. I can't be that uncaring of my actions then. Is it a good thing that I'm all different when he's anywhere in sight, or not? Maybe I'm just happier or more alive or however you would describe this feeling. Maybe it is a good thing? If it wasn't, why would I fucking crave for him like that? I really don't know nor do I care right now. I don't want him to be disappointed with me, he is so much older. He must think I'm childish. Pathetic. Fuck, maybe he really thinks I'm a bad kisser, who knows how much goddamn experience he has already. He surely has had better ones. I'm not worth his time. He doesn't even want me, does he? Why would he fucking want me? Or want to fuck me? Or anything else?

The thought alone hurts like hell. I need to stop thinking, I don't want to be hurt. I just want to, I need to..

"Ciel?" His voice cuts straight through my depressing thoughts. I'm like paralyzed and I need a moment until I am able to move a few inches back and quietly look at him. Fuck, that goddamn face. But what? He said my name, didn't he? I don't answer, my words fail me. I take a shaky breath.

"Are you crying?" His voice is soft and caring. I melt. I blink. What? No. No! Seriously, no. This can't be true. Out of reflex one of my hands reaches for my cheek. Wet. Fuck, why the hell am I crying? Why didn't I notice? This is all too goddamn much right now.

I take another breath, inching away from Sebastian a bit more. This can't be true, why do I have to fuck up all the time? I really am not good enough, am I? How could I be, Sebastian is like the goddamn perfection on legs and I? I'm more like a small piece of shit on legs. I really don't know what to say. Or do. Or anything. So I just stand here, trying to breathe calmly, trying to look at anything but those eyes, afraid that they might make me cry even harder. I'm a fucking wreck for some reason.

I don't even know what is wrong with me, but all of a sudden, I realize that I am not supposed to be here. With him. No. I should be in that school all day where I don't annoy my aunt, neither my family and most of all, not Sebastian.

"I'm sorry." I finally feel able to speak."I really shouldn't have come here, I'm leaving." I try to make it look as if everything is okay. As if I'm not on the verge of tears. But I fail. I try to sound as if it has nothing to do with me being emotionally unstable at the moment. But I fail. I act like it's because of anything but Sebastian. For some reason I don't want it to look like this situation just made me freak out. I don't even know what I'm trying to make my behavior look like. What to say, maybe I'm not such a good actor, after all.

I need to get out.

With small steps and the soft echoing of shoes tapping against the wooden floor, I walk towards the door, not able to look at Sebastian one last time. I open the door and close it behind me, making sure my hand doesn't look too shaky as I do.

And I just ruined everything. Not in the usual way I ruin things, but now, I have really fucked up. I think it's the worst feeling ever. When there's no actual problem but you yourself still have one. My chest hurts. My head hurts. This must be what a burnout feels like, I assume.

Even though I don't want it, a soft sob escapes my lips and I can feel my lower lip trembling as my breathing becomes unsteady again. How I hate it when I try to suppress the urge to cry, but I am not able to. I close my eyes tightly, pressing them against each other, but it only worsens the whole thing. I feel big crocodile tears rolling down my face and I get unbelievably angry at myself. I hate myself right now.

I don't want this anymore.

I don't want to go back to that school. I don't want to go back home either, truth is, I don't really have a place to go. I don't want it to continue like this. Maybe I should run away. Or simply jump off a bridge or a building somewhere, no one would care, anyways. I hug myself like a psychopath in a padded cell would. My body is shaking not only from how cold I still am.

All of this, I don't want it anymore. No, it's not worth it. And then, there is Sebastian. The only person I care about, even though I barely know him for more than a few hours. But to me he's perfect, I'm not. And I ruin everything, just like that. Maybe it's better off that way, nothing was supposed to be between the two of us, anyways. Just because I am me. I don't want to be myself right now. I support my weight on the freezing metal banister with one arm for a moment, shivering.

I have always thought that the worst day in my life was over already. That it's been year's ago.

Right now, though, I'm not sure.

I take a foot on the staircase carefully, concentrating because I don't want to fall. Maybe I'm like this because I drank too much. I don't know. I really don't.

"Ciel." It doesn't only sound caring and sweet, his voice almost sounds frustrated.

And my heart stops almost painfully. My eyes crack open.

Please, no. Not that. It already hurt enough. I dare not turn around. Maybe if I pretend I didn't hear anything, he'll go away. And I won't get even more messed up. I don't know how much more messed up I could be, but okay. I hear footsteps approaching and decide that I'm not exactly in the mood for trying anything like fleeing. Why did he follow me in the first place? I try to stop myself from sniveling, my back is turned towards Sebastian. I'm trying hard to stay calm. A sad smile crosses my face. He must think I am truly idiotic. It's almost funny how insane one can get.

The sound of footsteps stops and strong arms wrap tightly around my waist from behind. My heart does like ten fucking backflips. Even though it's nothing I want right now, I feel myself leaning into the touch. The warmth. The scent of Sebastian. It all creates an intoxicating mix, I can't help myself from feeling a bit better when I'm that close to him. I don't care about my own thoughts right now, only the sound of our breathing as we stay that way for god knows how long, my head against his chest and his hands holding mine. For seconds, minutes. Hours, maybe? I've lost all track of time by now. Fuck time.

My still a bit too obvious sobs die down slowly. I get quiet.

I would have never thought that Sebastian could be this comforting, this nice. He seems like the type to make you cry rather than the type to calm you down. But I don't worry that much anymore. I'm in fact getting calm, did he inject me some drug or anything?! What's his secret, what makes me feel that way about him?

It feels different, though.

All of the time, I've been a nervous wreck around him. I've been scared to say anything wrong, to do anything embarrassing. I thought of him as some hot stranger who would never care about me. Now, standing here with him like a wife and her husband would, and even without exchanging a single word, I feel good. Not nervous, not nauseous, but good. Safe.

"Are you okay? Did I do anything wrong?" My tears have indeed stopped falling, but what he says confuses me. A lot. Does he really think that _he _is the one who did anything wrong? It's laughable, really. And hell, if it wouldn't look all psycho if I did, I'd laugh now.

I wait a moment and when I am sure I'm able to speak, I finally do. "It's nothing you did, really." This sounds like the beginning of a break up talk. I turn around to look at him. Should I actually tell him? Well, fuck it now, what do I have left to lose? My teary blue eyes meet his beautiful red ones. "I just don't want to be some one night stand.. So I figured I'd better leave before I do anything silly." I actually told him. But how else could I have described it? Should I have lied again?  
One of his hands reaches up, caressing my cheek slightly. I look down. What is going on now? He isn't supposed to do this, to be nice after I say such ridiculous things. His hand wanders towards my chin, taking hold of it and forcing me to look up at him. I do.

"What is it then that you want?"

The question takes me completely off guard. Fuck, how can I tell him what I want when I don't even know it myself. I want him. And yet, not simply like that. The simpler way isn't always the best one, I guess.

"I-I really don't know.." I trail off. I seriously doubt my intelligence. I usually get told that I'm clever pretty often. But I really don't act like it. I act like some primitive animal. "We could.. do anything together. Or talk. Or kiss," I blush. Why did I just add that? No idea. "but only if you want to." It sounds like a question even though it's a statement. I know he doesn't want to spend time with a goddamn little idiot such as me. Why would he?

"Sounds good." I blink.

"Really?" My mouth is in an 'o' shape. I'm kind of shocked. About myself, him, the world. Yep, the world, the universe.

"Yes, really. Did you actually think I spent time with you just so I could screw you?" My eyes widen even more, Sebastian just said 'screw'. I hate that I get this childish look on my face when I'm surprised, shocked, or anything. I really fucking hate it, because it makes me look like some schoolgirl talking about sex for the first time. Pretty much fucked up. I don't want to look like that but I can't help it. That's what my face looks like. Fuck my face.

"But you.. you didn't?" I stutter. Fucking awkward.

"No, what makes you think I'd do that?" he asks, sounding a bit suspicious.

"The red haired girl. Earlier, in the bar. She told me you had sex with her. That it's normal for you. That you're like that," I explain, lowering my voice when I say 'sex.' God, since when do I act this fucking childish?! I'm getting worse and worse.

Sebastian's expression hardens a bit and his thin, black brows furrow.

"I had. Once, but that was long ago and nothing serious. I thought it could be, but we're friends, not partners. She really isn't my type, I guess." I take a breath. Whether I want to or not, I guess I'll have to accept this. He actually did that..with her.. I can't.. bitch. But at least he was honest. That counts for something, doesn't it? There's no need to freak out again. In contrary, I'll have to stay calm.

"Then what's your type?" I ask curiously, the question leaving my mouth before I think it through. I'm afraid of hearing the answer.

"Blonde, big tits and high heels." My jaw drops. Is he kidding me?

From the way he's laughing at me; yes. And probably it's even funnier to him because I actually just believed it. I don't want to know what my face looks like right now. Fucking funny, I suppose, indeed.

"You're an idiot," I state, sounding annoyed. But there's a smile on my lips. It already has this tone to it, the line sounds so utterly familiar, I think this is going to be one of the most frequently used sentences in case we'll actually spend more time together. Fuck, he said we will. I still doubt it, though. He's probably just pitying me. What can you say when you're talking to a crying mess of a human other than 'everything's alright' ? Maybe playing with me. I'm not sure.

Damn, I need to stop thinking that way.

Sebastian's face still has that faked shock expression on it and I snicker.

"Soo, if I promise you that I'm not going to screw you senseless, you'll come back into my apartment?" What a gentle formulation. I swallow.

No matter what rude things he might say at times, Sebastian still has this aura to him that makes you think of him as some authoritarian and mature person. Hard to describe, really.

I nod. "Okay," is all I say, not wanting to give him the opportunity to laugh at my answer. Better not say much, instead of saying something idiotic, I convince myself.

With that, he grabs my hand and leads me towards the door. I feel like laughing at myself for what I have done by now. That's me. Being overly dramatic and then, laughing about it. Maybe I should change. But don't really think I can.  
A smile crosses my face. Everything's alright now. Even if it's unbelievable, Sebastian didn't question my behavior any further and he still says that he wants to spend time with me. What else could I want? Okay, kissing him might be better. Later. I grin.

Having reached the apartment I fled from just a few minutes ago, he closes the door behind us. I sigh. I'm not going to fuck up again. I'll behave normally from now on. As normal as I can. Not really normal. But I'm not going to start crying again. Crying is bad, I mentally note.

"Soo, what are we going to do now?" I try not to make it sound like a suggestion for sex or whatever. I'm not so sure if it works. He turns around to look at me. I stare back.

"What do you suggest?" I somehow knew this question would come. Sixth sense, or whatever you want to call it. Well, not being a one night stand doesn't mean we can't have fun, does it? I'm not sure. I'm going to see how this will work out.

My fucking mood switches kind of irritate me, seriously.

One second I think about running away, the other I think about staying forever. Confusing, but it could be worse. I smile.

Well, now.

It's like 3 in the morning, we're in Sebastian's apartment and don't know what to do. That's what you call fucking awkward. Strange. Crazy, even. There are a lot of things we could actually be doing at this very moment. God, fuck me for always being such a reasonable person. Probably I should have just said yes. I chew on my lower lip, trying to think of something to do.

Maybe watching a movie. Or talking, playing a game, or... I really don't know. I feel socially awkward at the moment, incapable of finding something to do with Sebastian, other than fucking. How did I get to think like that. I'm certainly a strange person when with him but it's all his fault, not mine. I'm not the one looking like a fucking model here.

"Well, how about we play a game?" I ask. I just hope he likes games. He'll have to like this one.

"And just what kind of a game are we talking about here?" I wet my lips. Why does everything he say sound this fucking sexy? And I stare at him again. I need some kind of therapy I think. Something's wrong with me, definitely. Undoubtably. Even after what's happened I still think funny things.

"I ask you questions, you answer them _honestly._" Maybe if I don't mention that he can ask, was well, he'll just accept it as this. That I'm not the one getting asked, he is. This is how these sorts of games work, my games. Why exactly did I suggest this? Well, I guess I need to know more about him. Even if my explanation sounded like I am talking about a goddamn stalker game. Which it secretly is. I look at him and panic. Does he know that? God, I'm being so fucking idiotic again, why?

As my eyes find his, though, suddenly everything's alright again. Just like that. No more stress. I'm as calm as a turtle. A turtle that ate like five thousands of butterflies. Not the calmest turtle in the world, I assume. Shit, why do I think about things like turtles?

"Can I ask you stuff as well?" Oh goddamn fucking fuck, he figured out the obvious. What a surprise. What do I answer?!

"Of course," I smile sweetly. I really don't know why I keep confusing myself like this. Doesn't this ever stop? Mustn't he be confused, as well? I'm acting like a bipolar person or something. Except for I do this only when I'm with him. What kind of illness is this?

"Okay," He answers, walking over to the other side of the big room. It's a mix of kitchen, living and dining room, I assume. I didn't even get to see more of his apartment earlier. I follow Sebastian quietly, letting myself drop down onto the black leather couch, then. I look up at him. "Do you want anything to drink?" He asks. I take a moment to think. "Well, do you have water, I really shouldn't drink any more alcohol, I think," I explain, laughing a bit at the second part of the sentence. That's good Ciel, just blame it all on the alcohol.

He nods and walks over to the kitchen, taking two glasses and a bottle of water out of a black shelf. I watch his every movement as he does so, not wanting to miss only a small detail. There's just something about the way he moves, I don't know. But I like it, definitely.

Once he's back , sitting down right next to me on the couch, he pours the two of us a glass of water. I inwardly smile because he's sitting so close. My heart's like baaam. I won't ever get used to that feeling.

"So, do you wanna start?" he suggests.

I smirk. "Yes. Uhm.." My eyes turn in his direction.

"What's your last name?" I decide to ask innocent questions.

"Michaelis." I blink, that's his full name. Sebastian Michaelis. Fuck. I just got to know his name. Why does this make me that happy?

"Soo, it's my turn," he sounds way too glad about it. I already know there's something embarrassing to come. "Do you do this more often?"

I blink again, confused this time. "What are you talking about?"

He smirks.

"Kissing somebody like you actually want them right then and there, and afterwards, running away saying you don't want to be like that." I just now realize that he's been thinking the same things I did the whole time.

"No, I actually never do that," I admit quietly. I have of course kissed people, mostly girls, but never like that. My cheeks are a bright red and I know he notices it. Of course, he doesn't stop.

"Then why did you, with me?" He inquires and I almost feel bad by now.

"Because you're fucking confusing me and I didn't understand why I wanted you this much. Then I thought you didn't want me and I got even more nervous and.. I don't know." I actually spoke it out, nervously and way too fast, but fuck yeah, I did. I'm acting so damn brave, mature. It's like I've grown up in the past few minutes. I'm shocking myself. Whatever. I'm a teenager, I'm allowed to be insane at times.

"You want me?" His smirk looks devilish by now and I can't help the tickling in my stomach. Maybe I shouldn't have said that?

"Isn't that obvious?" I try to make it sound natural. I try to breathe calmly, to stop my heart from beating too much and too fast. But as he once again moves closer towards me, all of this suddenly doesn't work anymore and my body's just as messed up as it was earlier. I feel as he leans over me, pressing my body down with his weight and the couch scrunches quietly at the movement.

Within a split second, his mouth has found mine again, and I'm overwhelmed by this sudden closeness. The smell of him, the feeling of his mouth against mine, it's just too much to describe. It takes me a moment until I am able to actually respond to the kiss, opening my mouth to give his tongue access and let it explore my mouth. Feeling his whole body against mine, unlike earlier, I can't suppress a moan. My whole skin feels ticklish, aware of his every touch, it's almost too much all at once. I shiver a bit, feeling hot and ice cold at the same time.

The kiss gets more passionate, our tongues dancing wildly against each other though, and I feel as his hands travel in the direction of my chest, but I can't seem to care this time, too absorbed in the feeling of Sebastian against me.

I want this, I am sure by now.

Sebastian quickly zips the jacket open, sliding it down my arms without much effort. I don't even know how he can do this that fast, my head's too blurry for understanding anything. I almost jump in surprise as his cold hands get into contact with the warm skin of my abdomen, but I don't mind in the least. I'm not cold anymore, not a bit. Still not breaking the kiss, I feel myself leaning into the touch, pressing my body as tightly as possible against his and supporting myself on one arm. We pull away and within a few seconds, my shirt is removed. My breathing is heavy and I can only imagine how flushed I must look right now.

I feel Sebastian hungrily staring at my body and, out of instinct, try to turn away. I can't. He holds me tightly, and there's no way I can move away in the slightest. Before I can panic again, he presses a short kiss on my lips, leaving me wanting more. He smirks and moves closer, whispering into my ear, "If you want me to stop, just say so."

Seriously, holy shit. If someone whispers this with _that_ voice, all you can think is; is this a joke? I mean, there's no way I would be able to stop him. Or want to, for that matter. No. Never. I nod, staring deeply into the red eyes just a few inches away from mine, the look he gives me that he actually does want me. A lot. I move closer again for yet another kiss. I don't ever want to do anything else again, I'd gladly spend the rest of my life just kissing Sebastian. Forever.

Once our mouths have parted again, I desperately need some air and breathe in rapidly. Sebastian smirks at me and before I can process it, I'm pinned against the couch again, his mouth brushing over my lips, then leaving them and opting for my jaw line instead. And I'm breathless, completely numb to anything but this feeling. I'm dying in a positive way. He softly sucks on my skin, licking it afterwards and I close my eyes tightly, not knowing what to do with all of the tension I feel. Suddenly though, he gives an especially hard suck to the skin above my collarbone, and I am not able to keep myself from making sounds anymore. "Aaahhgh," or something close to that, leaves my throat as he bites down on the sensitive skin. I never knew I could feel like this, that anything could feel this good and this bad at the same time. Not really bad, rather sinful. Or maybe rude. Or, well, I don't know.

However, I surely love it.

A shiver runs down my spine as I feel Sebastian smirk against my skin. I know he's planning on something? Just how far does he actually want to go? How far do I want to go? No time for plans right now, I decide.

I let out a soft whimper as he kisses his way upwards to my lips again, placing a final kiss on them. I open my eyes again, seeing him looking into them like he is unsure what to do. Maybe he is. And so am I. However, I try not to show it. Right when I think he is about to ask me whether I actually want this, again, he surprises me, though. Before I even notice it properly, my jeans are pulled down and I am left wearing nothing but my blue boxer shorts. Thin material. Leaving little to the imagination. And he's staring at me. My eyes widen and my hear's beating in an unsteady rhythm. That was fast. I try not to look too shocked, but fail miserably, considering the way he chuckles as he looks at my face. I blush, muttering, "idiot."

Before I can even close my mouth, we're kissing again and I am unsure how his mouth found mine that fast in the first place. I can't seem to care.

While we are still kissing, I feel one of his hands traveling downwards my body, making goosebumps appear on the stroked parts of skin immediately. I feel his hand wandering to the hem of my pants, until suddenly, his hand brushes against my groin, making my hips rise. A sudden warmth appears in my whole body and I bite Sebastian's tongue a bit. That doesn't seem to stop him from kissing me, though. Or rather, it makes him brush his hand against my clothed erection again, earning almost the same reaction from me.

I can barely contain the small whimpers that leave my lips even though we're kissing and it seems this motivates Sebastian all the more, for suddenly, I feel cold air hitting the heated skin between my legs and my erection falls against my stomach. Sebastian pulls away, looking at me as if he is about to devour me. Maybe he is, I don't know. I bite my lip out of excitement, arousal, anxiety, anticipation, whatever it is. It keeps me from screaming out, at least.

But only for so long until he smirks at me and then, wraps his large hands around my penis. I think I'll faint. I think I'll die. I think I want to be reborn to experience this over and over again, that's how good it feels. "Aah, Sebastian!", I exclaim loudly. My eyes turn to look at anything but him, looking at him while doing this would simply be too much. I'm too innocent for that.

My innocence falters, though, as his hand begins to stroke me in a slow rhythm, making me scream out and whine at the same time. I don't even know. No matter how loud I moan, it's still not enough to describe what it actually feels like. I bring a hand to my mouth, biting down in an attempt to keep myself from moaning like that as he wipes pre cum all over my dick, making the rapid movements feel even better. I'll fucking _die_ of embarrassment later, I think. Sebastian suddenly stops, making me open my eyes and admire the unbelievably beautiful man who's giving the best hand job I'll get in my entire life I assume.

"Don't do that, scream for me, honey." There he goes again, making a cliché line sound like the most erotic thing in the world. All I can do is nod in compliance, unable to endure the lack of pleasure. I look at him with almost teary eyes from shutting them so tightly. "Please, Sebastian." I am unable to form a better sentence and I can only hope that my eyes, or my body, or maybe common sense tell him what I'm actually begging for. Some of his hair falls into his face as he shamelessly looks from my erection towards my face and smirks, "What do you want me to do?"

Oh, really? I think I can't speak this out. I really can't. But I must. I brace myself and whisper the words quietly as he lazily starts stroking me again, teasing the tip of my erection with his thumb. I cry out in pleasure. "God, please just..aah" he applies more pressure, "please make me come, Sebastian." I end the sentence, satisfied that I actually got to form a grammatically correct one in my condition.

"As you wish, my lord." I would smirk at the statement if I wouldn't be busy screaming his name out in broken versions over and over again, while he's working on the heated piece of flesh with a fast pace and harder than before.

This whole thing feels like a dream to me and I feel like I'm flying. Or drowning. Or having a mental breakdown. All at once, only better. Yep, this is what it feels like to be alive, I assume. I can feel my breath starting to quicken and I know that I won't last that much longer, heat already collecting in my stomach. I can't keep my hips from moving against his hands any longer, the much needed release awaiting me. "Awwhg, fuck, Sebastian. I'm going to cum, I'm..aah god."

With that, I feel myself exploding in his hands, my cum splashing all over his hand and my bare torso, as I tiredly look into his red eyes. My chest rises and falls slowly and I get sleepy within a second. Fuck, that was intense.

I can't even think about pleasuring him before my eyes fall shut and my whole body goes limp. All I can feel is two strong arms lifting me up from the couch, Sebastian carrying me bridal style out of the room to what I assume can only be his bedroom. I lazily wrap my arms around his neck, staring at him with a small smile on my face.

There are no words spoken and I am barely able to stay awake, glad once we reached his bedroom and lays me down softly. I snuggle into the soft blanket, completely satisfied with laying in a bed that smells exactly like Sebastian. A smell you can't name, an unique smell. I drift off into sleep.

The last thing I notice is that, after what must be a few minutes, he lays down as well, and I huddle up against him, enjoying the warmth and the feeling of having him close, before completely falling asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey hey hey. (: _

_First of all; sorry. I've been on a class trip to Berlin for one week and I had no time to write sadly. Then when I got home, my mother broke her leg, so I had to help at home and stuff. However, today I had time and so I wrote an extra long chapter. ( a few more words, actually.) A badly written chapter and tons of apologies, what else could you want? _

_Thanks a lot for reading and maybe, not hating me completely. I tried to reduce the swearing a bit, sorry, I didn't really notice, but I guess I talk like some wannabe gangster sometimes. Or write. I don't think my German's like that. Craaazy.  
_

_Next week, summer vacation starts here, so there'll be more time. More time is good. Also, thaanks for reviewing, following, enjoying it (which I do not completely understand) and faving it. Is faving a word? No idea, now it is. Keep this up. I mean, if you don't mind. *Insane grin* I try my best with the chapters, so there's some romantic stuff, and some more sex. And a slightly slutty Ciel. And maybe we're getting closer to some kind of plot. Yay!  
_

* * *

I wake up to the scent of something familiar and some noises somewhere in the apartment. Apartment? My head feels dizzy and it takes me a few seconds to figure out what is going on. Yesterday, alright... Drinking a bit too much, eating something with Sebastian, freaking out.. and then, going home with Sebastian.. I blush slightly, opening my eyes as I begin to understand everything. I remember. Why does something like that even make me blush?

The slight feeling of a headache distracts me a bit but I try and ignore it as good as I can. I blink. Sun rays fall into the room through the large window, the curtain not really helping to keep the room dark. Seems the sun is shining today. It's only then that I find out what it is that looks so wrong about this situation; just one small fact. I eye the place next to me suspiciously, reaching out to slide my hand above the soft, crinkled surface, as if to make sure my vision doesn't betray me. Nope, no Sebastian here, indeed. Nobody's hidden underneath that blanket.

Well, what's this supposed to mean?

I mean, okay, waking up in somebody else's bed is what a lot of people would consider normal for a teenager, but not when the other person seems to have disappeared. I sneeze. Damn all of my allergies. If it weren't for them, I might be able to enjoy spring like other humans do. But sadly, my body enjoys to screw with me. I have allergies, I have asthma. I bruise easily and I'm prone to hurting myself in ways that you can hardly consider normal. Quite hard, my life. Indeed. My stomach grumbles and a slight idea forms in the back of my head. Sometimes I really am idiotic, am I not?

The kitchen. Breakfast. I almost feel the urge to laugh at my previous panicking because Sebastian 'disappeared'. Fuck, we're in his apartment, where should he have gone that early in the morning?

Is it even early morning? Suddenly, I recognize the smell, as well. Pancakes. My heart flutters, not only did I just wake up in Sebastian's bed, but he made one of my favorite foods. Am I dreaming? Hallucinating? Is this a mirage? Probably not, I didn't consume anything funny as far as I can remember and I'm not dying of thirst somewhere in the desert. Nope. I'm chilling out in Sebastian's bed. But really, did I tell him about my infatuation with sweets? Probably not, we barely know each other yet, we have yet to talk about so many things. And still, it feels like I already said it all. Or as if I could, maybe, do that. There aren't many people I trust and he is already one of them. I'm so weird sometimes.

I sit up tiredly, only now noticing that I don't wear anything. God, I'm fucking naked. Not that shocking, but not that usual either. I haven't ever been in a situation like this yet. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Walk into the kitchen without any clothing, asking 'what's for breakfast', or what? No. No, no, no, seriously no. I _won't_ do that, that's for sure. I need to find something to wear, but my clothes are still on the couch where we left them yesterday when we.. he..

Here comes the guilt for not having done anything in return last night. I'm a mean little bitch sometimes, aren't I?

I try to ignore it for now, telling myself that we have plenty of time to do other things. And yes, we certainly will. Quite the enjoyable anticipation to be honest. I smirk to myself like a lunatic. Oh yes, other things sounds good, even though we could repeat what we've done last night, as well. Seriously, I wouldn't mind.

However, for now I need to find anything to wear first. Clothes. Yes. Clothes are a very good idea. Anything to save me from walking around naked. It's funny how I didn't seem to mind being naked at all, yesterday and now I'm being crazy about it again. But that's normal, isn't it? I mean, being embarrassed when naked, sober, in somebody else's apartment..

And with the man you not-so-secretly have a big crush on.

I look around, deciding to play stalker, ( which is one of my favorite games in the world when Sebastian is involved in some way,) and walk toward his closet, watching the sleeping dog next to the bed tiredly. I open the closet slowly, afraid to make a noise and get caught by Sebastian. I really make no sense, he'll see that I wear some of his clothes, anyway. Why don't I want to be caught? Shit, how I keep confusing myself. I scan the inside of the closet, surprised to find everything neatly folded and sorted by colors. Not that there are many colors to be found, anyways. Mostly black, some blue and one white vest. It doesn't really surprise me, seeing that he almost always wears black when I see him. This closet is typically Sebastian. Even though I don't know him that long, I can tell that much. He's the kind of person who likes to keep things in order and perfect. Sadly, I myself don't have that problem.

Figuring that nothing in here is my size, I just take out a random black shirt and jeans. No boxers, though. It would be weird wearing his boxers. Like stealing panties. So I just lazily put on jeans and shirt, not surprised to find them like hundred sizes too big for me. Yes. I am small, I know. And it's fucking annoying living as a pygmy in a world full of giants. I look like I'm wearing a dress or something with his shirt on. Like a kid stealing its mother's clothes to feel grown up. I feel like that, a little bit, too. I only need some lipstick and and high heels, then my outfit's completed.

No. I'm not going to put on lipstick right now. I need to focus.

Focus on what? Not sure. Finding Sebastian, maybe. And the pancakes. Lovely combination. But I already know where both of this is probably hidden, so I just walk over to the wooden door of his bedroom, opening it slowly. I look into the other room, in search of Sebastian. As expected, I can see a tall figure standing in the 'kitchen part' of the room, fumbling with a pan and stuff. Not really fumbling, what he's doing looks rather deliberate, as if every single movement is planned through. I don't know. Usually I don't particularly like overly organized persons, but Sebastian's different. He's an exception. He always is. I yawn quietly, stretching. I really am not the morning kind of person, but today it's not that bad.

Maybe it's just because he's so absorbed in his work, or maybe just because I do actually manage to be quiet, not causing an accident or anything, for once, but he doesn't seem to notice me sneaking up behind him. God, I'm so evil sometimes. I smirk, walking closer in his direction. Maybe I can surprise him or anything. Jumping on his back or other stuff that you can do with somebody you like. Awkward thought.

I feel like a ninja, just without the part with the stunts and whatever ninjas might do other than stalking, as I sneak up behind him.

"Good morning, Ciel." He doesn't even turn around as he addresses me. Well, that much for me and my ninja abilities. A shiver runs down my spine as I hear his voice again. I'm fully awake now, at least. I stand there awkwardly, talking to his back. "Uh, good morning Sebastian," I manage. I've never had to question myself this yet, but are you supposed to say anything about what happened last night, after something.. like that happened? In bed? Or rather, on the couch? I really have no idea. Maybe. Maybe not. Better not. So I stay quiet. I'm over thinking things again.

"Did you sleep well?" Now that he mentions it, I think I really haven't slept that well in a few weeks. Or more. Ever since I can remember. Sleeping with, or rather, next to Sebastian is quite comfortable. Like heaven, without angles, Jesus, holy virgins and stuff like that. I guess I'm the holy virgin in that case. I hide a snicker and fake a yawn.

I nod then, answering his question, only after a few seconds realizing that he probably can't see it. No eyes on the back of his head, are there? He isn't some kind of a magician, is he? Even if he seems like he could, he actually isn't able to do everything. He is not a vampire. I'm not sure though, there's something about him I can't quiet make out. Hell, why am I thinking about True Blood and a Falling in Reverse song right now?! Better than Twilight, anyways. The word moron is in the back of my head, my mind insults me. Maybe I'm becoming a schizophrenic. Nope. I'm idiotic, not sick. That's a difference.

Lately, I've been cussing at myself a lot, I guess.

I look at a big clock, it's reading 7:30 and I'm perfectly rested. Crazy.

"Yes, really well." I finally answer and smile. Genuinely. I think I'm happy. I decide that I want to see his face rather than his back, even though his back amazes me, as well, of course. I walk up to him, and lean against a metallic dishwasher next to the stove where Sebastian stands, crossing my arms. My heartbeat speeds up a bit and my stomach grumbles. Looks quite delicious. Nope, I don't inwardly faint when I look at the food, which looks delicious, too, of course, but rather when his face turns in my direction and our eyes meet. Oh, I think, I want to eat you, Sebastian.

Well, not in the usual sense of the word, but you get it. Eat like kiss or maybe touch or maybe, everything sinful that you could imagine doing to another person. That kind of eating. When did I become such a perv?

I smile. He smiles. He laughs.

"What?" I ask, seriously confused for the moment.

He musters me, smirk still on his lips. I blush. Oh, well. "You wear some of my clothes," he notes. I blush a deeper shade of red. He didn't say anything mean or perverted, and still I feel embarrassed as hell. What's wrong with me again?

I stutter like a schoolgirl on her first date with her crush, "I-I thought it wouldn't be a problem, cause I uhm, I was kind of.. naked when I woke up." Oh, shit.

"It's not a problem, they look just a bit.. too big for you?!" He sounds like he expects me to freak out because he's talking about how small I am. I can't blame him, that certainly makes me freak out sometimes. But right now, I'm not in an aggressive mood.

Yep, it's not me controlling my moods, it's rather them controlling me. Poor me.

I smile, instead. "I guess they are," I sound like a normal person would, not pissed, not stressed. Good."But it's not because I'm too small, it's because you're too big." I give him a convinced look, knowing that I'm talking nonsense. I like to talk nonsense. But looking convinced about what you're saying when you know it's bullshit never harmed anybody, has it? Probably it has. I breathe in.

"You know, if I didn't know you'd start arguing with me again, then I'd gladly keep telling you just how cute you are sometimes." And out, snapping for air in the next instant. I'm not sure if the color I imagine my cheeks to be at the moment is realistic or not, but damn, it feels like my face's a tomato. Yes, I do certainly feel like a tomato right now. Such a stupid one, too.

I have to work hard to not pout or do anything else that he'd consider even cuter now. What can I do? Should I become aggressive? Freak out? Jump around? Tell him to shut up? He'd even consider this cute, I know that much. I'm in a trap.

No matter what I do, I'll be considered cute. Awhg, I have problems.

After spending a few seconds staring off into nothing in particular, debating with myself while blushing, I finally react, using the fact that I can sit down on the dishwasher to my advantage. Because, yes, for once I am big enough to actually reach his face without forcing him to lean down. I loosely take hold of his neck, pressing my lips against his only for a second or two before pulling away. The kiss is soft and unforced, the skin where my lips touched his tickles and I breathe a bit faster. I need to calm down, it was only a short kiss. I'm so hopeless.

I eye him closely, trying desperately to find out what he's thinking. He stares back, eyes a bit wider than usual, maybe. A millimeter, maybe, if it's true at all.

Even if it's only for a second until his surprise is replaced with amusement, I am glad to see that I can actually surprise somebody such as Sebastian. I smile at him.

"I'm not cute, I'm dangerous, see?" I breathe a laugh. I don't know why, but I feel so overly happy today. It's crazy, really. Red eyes soften and he chuckles deeply. "Of course you are." And another kiss is pressed onto my lips suddenly and this time I am the one being surprised. Our lips move against each other like it's the most natural thing in the world and I can't help but imagine what we must look like right now. Quiet cheesy, isn't it? Making out with your boyfriend in the morning while he's cooking something for you. Like a scene from some movie.

Uhm. Boyfriend? No, he's not my boyfriend. I put the thought in the back of my head, not wanting it to destroy my mood. I'll think later. Maybe.

Even if the difference between the kisses from tonight and right now is clearly noticable, I can't say which I actually like more. It's a difference, kissing before having sex and just kissing for no reason other than kissing. At least I think that's the reason. After a while, we pull apart and I smile at Sebastian in a way, that probably scares him. God, how I love kissing him. I can feel the blood running through my veins in a fast pace and I feel more than hyper.

I'm so fucking happy, I don't even realize the trouble I'm getting myself into at this very moment.

So, oblivious as I am, I keep on smiling, tearing my eyes off Sebastian for the first time this morning, looking at what he cooked. The pancakes look like something you can see in the TV at cooking shows, what it looks like when you know exactly what you're doing. I'm lucky he doesn't see mine in comparison, they rather look like burnt batter puddles. I really am incapable of making food for myself, it's almost embarrassing. I'm a hopeless case, worse than a child.

I feel him staring at me quietly and I get more and more nervous by the second. He's either going to jump me or he's thinking about something deadly serious. I don't know. It's always so hard to tell what he feels, my thoughts are a bit more obvious, I assume. Sadly.

I turn to him again and smile. "Uhm, should we eat or something?" Is it rude to ask that as a guest? Whatever. His eyes turn to me, piercing mine. They're just so wonderful, and red.

He nods and answers almost overly friendly, "As you wish." Is he mocking me? Or not? Please, somebody help me understand Sebastian. I need a guide or something. Maybe I can pay a psychologist to analyze him? Or anything? No idea. I decide to just grin and get up from my sitting position, brushing against Sebastian 'accidentally' as I move away. Being able to touch him, even if only like that, is one of the best things ever, in my opinion. I'm kind of in his arms. He eyes me suspiciously, I grin idiotically. Playing dumb always helps. I look at him with big eyes, and he lets me walk over to the desk. I take place on the closest stool and he then makes a few more pancakes, placing them on two plates, while I sit comfortably on one of the stools, watching him dreamily. He smirks. "Hungry?" and raises a brow and of course looks like an erotic model again when saying such things. Does he speak this in such a manly voice deliberately? And I look away a bit too fast, of course understanding it wrong. Or right, depends on how you look at it. Knowing him a bit, probably right. I nod. Why did I just nod?

The food isn't that interesting anymore, oh so suddenly.

Because it takes just a moment or two and I almost fall off the stool, being kind of attacked by Sebastian like a hungry animal. It might be early in the morning, but I don't feel sleepy or anything at all. It's rather the opposite. My heart is pounding in a brutal manner as his lips press against mine, his tall body encircling my smaller one. It doesn't take long until his tongue enters my mouth and I'm beyond the point of thinking about every single thing he does, again. It would simply be too much, Sebastian manages to make my thoughts shut up temporarily. How could they not when you feel strong hands holding you tightly, one hand playing with your hair softly and you're being kissed by him like _that_. I don't know why, but every simple touch feel special when it comes from Sebastian. Our tongues move against each other, playing a bit, rather violently, though. It's not understandable how, but even when we're kissing like that, there's still a rhythm. Sebastian really is the greatest kisser in the world, that must be why.

"Aah, Sebastian! What are you..?" A yelp of surprise leaves my mouth as he suddenly lifts my body up and I cling onto him like a koala would to a bamboo. Tightly. My legs wrap around his body as I try not to fall down. Fear of heights and stuff. But no, seriously. Fuck. My heart beats wildly and I can do absolutely nothing other than staring at Sebastian pleadingly. What am I even pleading for? His hands grab my ass and seeing the look on his face I am not even so entirely sure it's just because he doesn't want to let me fall down. Most of all, I don't even actually mind. In contrary, I can feel my dick becoming hard at the sensations of being pressed against his body that tightly. I can feel Sebastian breathing rather heavily against me and when I try and look up at him, he takes his chance to attack my neck, shoving my hair that's grown a bit long over the last weeks away with one hand to have free access. Fuck! No! God! No. The last weeks. School. No.

7:30?!

I need to get back, I need to..-

These too rational thoughts leave my head as fast as they appeared, being overpowered by all the feelings Sebastian is making me, my body and, maybe even my heart, feel. I moan wantonly as he pushes me up again, my groin pushing almost painfully against his flat stomach. He must feel that I am hard. He must hear what I feel like. I can barely contain my whimpers, they automatically leave my mouth as I breathe heavily. His mouth is still busy working on my sensitive skin We're not even naked and I sound like we've been fucking all night, already.

I instinctively move against his body slightly, until his mouth leaves my neck, cold air hitting the still slightly wet and overly sensitive skin. I almost feel like I am going to shiver. I don't. Instead, I concentrate on not fainting or getting an early orgasm or whatever, as I look at Sebastian's face. The most handsome face in the world. I take a deep breath, our mouthes only one or two inches apart. I can feel his warm breathing against me. The way he looks at me almost has me thinking that I am his breakfast, red eyes much brighter than usual and looking almost as if they are on fire. With that gaze directed on you, you're more than just paralyzed. Now I do feel myself shivering a bit. Damn, I don't know how he does that, but something about him makes me go crazy. It's not even just his body, but maybe his confidence? I really have no idea.

"And what exactly are you hungry for?" The words are whispered into my ear and I'm internally freaking out. Dying. Fainting. Blushing. Blackout.

Well, not a real blackout. Just a small heart attack. And I still feel his smirk resting on me. I really must be pretty fun to tease. God, his face. These eyes. Even his nose and his dark, thin eyebrows. I stare blatantly and I don't even want to know how much my expression must be like the one lovebirds have. What a sad, lonely lovebird I am. His face doesn't change at all, the smirk stays perfectly in place. Yup, _sexy as always, Sebastian_. I am glad I didn't just speak that line out. Sounds like some advertisement thing.

Why can't Sebastian show if he likes what I'm doing? Before I can even complain, or slap him, or anything else, I get an idea. A bad idea. A kinky idea. Or maybe it's just something everyone considers normal but I'm too shy to even think about such things. Until now. I haven't really been doing anything until now, have I? I blink and lick my lips.

I try to force the though away, but it just won't leave my head. If I'm actually going to do this now, no one, not even I myself, will ever call me a pussy again, okay? Never ever.

Hell; my life.

I look down almost shyly, bracing myself before I press my lips against his again, this time barely touching. The slight feeling of skin against skin tickles and I softly chew on his lip, until he opens his mouth and we can kiss normally for a few seconds. Or a few long seconds. Letting go, I hastily breathe in some oxygen and feel Sebastian doing the same.

Okay, on with my plan.

I slowly let my legs slide down his body, the oversized pants sliding upwards and revealing my legs a bit. I don't need to struggle a lot until Sebastian lets go of my ass, as well, confusion now clearly evident in his face. Hah, for once I am not the one, who doesn't have any idea what is going on. Feels good, seriously. I begin to understand why he keeps up smiling as sexy as a devil. A very hot devil.

I stare up at him with big eyes one last time, before dropping down on my knees slowly. I still hurt my knees, though. If I'm lucky there'll be bruises tomorrow. However, now is not the time to think about that! I look up again, trying my best to do some kind of puppy eyes, so he can see what I am actually doing at the moment. I'm on my knees in front of him.

I, Ciel Phantomhive; the one who freaks out sometimes just because somebody looks at him strangely or gives him any kind of a command, I am on my fucking knees in front of Sebastian. Just like that. He looks even bigger than usual from this position, which isn't even that surprising. I gulp.

Have I really thought this through entirely?

Even if I haven't, there's no way back now. I want this. Sebastian wants this, even if he just doesn't know yet. Or yes, he wants this, too. At least that's what I assume, as I stare at the prominent bulge resting between his legs. My eyes widen. There's a penis in front of my face. Just what is that supposed to be? A joke? I can only guess this is some kind of shock method or anything alike, but no! How the hell is this even supposed to fit into my mouth? No way, and I can only guess the size yet. Big. Really big. Hell, more than big, fucking huge!

I swallow, my mouth's become a bit dry suddenly.

I move a slightly shaking hand toward his crotch, placing it on the dark jeans. I look up at Sebastian to find a mixture of shock, bewilderment, arousal and reassurance on his face. Oh, how I love his face. I blush slightly, reminding myself of the position I'm in. I am about to suck his cock, oh my god. Scary.

I press my hand onto it with more pressure, a sharp breath escaping Sebastian's lips. I'd feel triumphant now, if I wasn't that busy being in awe. Sebastian's body. That face. I breathe in. Okay, now. I let my hand wander upwards his legs a bit, stopping one I am close enough to undo the jeans with my teeth. To my own surprise, I even manage to do this in less than ten seconds. Without practice. I'd smile proudly now, but my mouth is busy. I use my teeth again, this time to slide the pants down until they are at knee height. Damn, I must look like a porn star at the moment. My eyes are tightly shut and I take one last breath before I open them slowly.

I swallow again. Huge, indeed.

I can feel my expression growing more and more worried; I have no idea what to do, I have no, really zero, experience with this kind of thing. My head instinctively turns in Sebastian's direction as if I was waiting for him to give me an exact explanation of what to do. Maybe that would help.

"Ciel, you really don't have to do this if you don't.." I give him the most annoyed, deadliest look I can, and without warning, for me or him, I just take the swollen tip of his large dick into my mouth. I hear Sebastian hiss in what almost sounds like pain. I hope, it's pleasure, though. One second after I actually did this, I am shocked. The taste's unfamiliar, my mouth is so hot suddenly and Sebastian's dick is rock hard in my mouth. I try to swallow, but I can't and the saliva collects in my mouth. It takes me a moment, (a shock moment, I assume,) until I am actually able to do anything other that panicking.

I slowly let the now wet cock slide out of my mouth, bringing a hand up to pump it slightly, too absorbed in what I am doing, to even fully understand as Sebastian darkly moans something along the lines of 'Oh fuck, Ciel'. I keep my eyes and mind focused on his penis solely. After a few pumps, I move my mouth closer again, this time not taking him in, but only licking the tip, the salty taste of pre cum makes me grimace at first, until I decide to ignore that for now. I let my tongue draw small circles on it, then start pressing small but wet kisses on the swollen skin. Sebastian's low moaning and grunting is music to my ears, while I let my movements get bolder and bolder, my tongue running along his whole dick now, the kisses not so innocents anymore, not that kissing a cock is innocent to begin with, and they are getting rather passionate by now.

I guess I suck dick like a slut.

Sebastian's breath is getting rather fast and I almost want to smirk, knowing that I am capable of making him feel that way. I look up to see red eyes half lidded, pleasure visible on the handsome face. He's using one hand to support his weight on the table behind us. And now, I make a decision. I'm going to try taking it into my mouth again. I will. I can do that.

That look from that man is so fucking worth it.

I nervously open my mouth again, wrapping my lips around the flesh, that's become even harder by now, and let it slide into my mouth smoothly. I try to let him in as far as I can, not wanting to gag, though. While I start to move my head forward and backward slightly, I still try and use my tongue to lick as much of his cock as it can reach. The pre cum and saliva in my mouth mix to a somewhat salty taste, but I don't even mind anymore as I work on his cock like crazy.

Suddenly, one of his hands takes hold on my hair, grabbing it without much hesitation, and I am unable to move my head any longer. I blink and look at him, confused. Sebastian's lips form into a dirty grin and suddenly, he starts thrusting into my mouth, almost making me cough in surprise as his cock hits the back of my mouth. But I don't make any move to stop him, instead tightening my lips a bit, and give him a look that shows that I don't mind, as he repeatedly starts to push his dick in and out in a faster pace. Fuck, I'm being face fucked by Sebastian and I couldn't feel any better.

His pubic bone brushes against my nose, and my lips begin to feel a bit numb, but I can't bring myself to care about that. I have no idea why, but having Sebastian do this makes even more blood flow into my nether regions. Maybe it's because there isn't that much blood left for my brain anymore, but all I can do is weakly grabbing one of his legs to stop myself from falling or fainting, as he continues with faster thrusts, his breath getting shorter.

And before I fully realize it, I feel hot liquid being shot down my abused throat and Sebastian moans my name in the hottest way I ever heard anything. Sebastian pulls his dick out and sink down, unable to carry my own weight any longer as I take deep breaths. I barely notice as Sebastian leans down, looking at me with some emotion I can't quite place. Concern, maybe?

"Ciel, are you okay? Did I hurt you? I'm sorry, but I got carried away a bit.." his voice is still coarse and it makes me want to jump him again.

"No! That was.. that was just.. perfect." My breath is still unsteady. I don't get it. Did I actually just say that? Did I admit that? God, I sound like some psychotic masochist or something. I smile, my breathing getting a bit more normal again. Sebastian puts on his pants again.

Sebastian just arches a brow at me, as he has to do often, it seems. "You really never fail to surprise me, you know? You really have never done this before?" I smile sweetly, and answer curtly "Nope, never. Only with you." He helps me standing up on my slightly weak legs from kneeling for who knows how long. I fall into his arms, unsure why I am becoming so clingy. But honestly, being in the arms of this man is better than anything. Any-fuckin'-thing.  
Not only his smell, the feeling of touching him, but also the feeling of.. Safety? Probably. It's weird that I feel save with him after we just did that. For the first time in my life I did something like that. And I fucking liked it. Really.

But now comes the bad part.

I look at him with this dreamy and tired expression written all over my face. "I-I think I'd better leave now," he stares at me with a shocked face, not saying a word and confusion obvious on his face. Oh. Same formulation as yesterday?

"So something _is_ wrong?" there's a sudden bitter tone in his voice.

I smile. Knew it. "No, of course not. I just have to.. you know, get back to the boarding school. If I'm really lucky, nobody's searched for me there yet and I won't be tortured or anything as a punishment. I mean, these are real freaks.. the people there." I try to make it sound like a joke. But I swallow at that part. I don't even want to think about what an idiotic punishment there might be again. And honestly, I can't be as lucky as to come there and everybody's still sleeping or something. I don't even want to see that place. Any of them. My chest hurts slightly.

I know that I'm fucked, literally. But it really was worth it. 100 percent, to be exact.

Sebastian frowns slightly, as if trying to find out if I'm saying the truth or not. I look away, scared that these eyes might see right into my heart, soul or whatever might be there inside of me, other that flesh and organs. Disgusting thing, actually, isn't it? Saying that some ugly organ inside of us is be responsible for love.

Whatever.

"Okay, if you say so. But if anything happens, don't hesitate to call me or anything. Want me to drive you there?" he asks gently.

"First of all, I don't have your number, and second, my cell's been taken away from me by those fuckers, so I could hardly call you," I wet my lips in an attempt to make the numb feeling there disappear. "But no, you don't have to drive me, I'm there in a few minutes if I walk, it's not that far." In reality, I'll better run. But I really don't want to be a burden to him. Nope.

"I see," he mutters and seems to be thinking about something, staring off at nothing in particular. Not wanting him to be upset, I do the first thing I can think of, and struggle a bit to reach his neck, wrap my arms around it and make him lean down so I can press a kiss on his lips. Is it weird to kiss somebody after you've given them a blowjob? Hopefully not. If so, he does his best to hide his discomfort, as he kisses back and makes my heart flutter. There are these famous butterflies in my stomach again, I can literally feel them flying around in there like they are searching for flowers or something like that. I'm not a biologist, okay. But butterflies.. maybe it's just a sign that spring is coming?!

"Sebastian?" I look straight into these red eyes, the shape of them almost reminds me a bit of cat eyes. Really, just a bit. His arms wrap around me and I feel this overwhelming happiness once again. Fuck, why can't we just stay like this forever? Can't I just skip school? My brain says no, and I know it's right. If I do that, the chances that I'll get to see Sebastian again after they found me, are even lower. And my aunt's still my legal guardian. I doubt she'd like to hear about what we're doing here. I don't know.

"I, I.. Uhm, will we see each other again?" My voice is unusually weak and I dread the answer. Because I really don't know how to and if he wants to or if this was just what I didn't want it to be; a one night stand. I have no idea and it makes me nervous as hell.

His face softens a bit, the usually either amused or pissed expression fading. He smiles. Yes, a smile not a smirk."Of course, if you want to, that is." I can feel my eyes brighten up, the whole thing suddenly seems a lot more manageable, like I will actually be okay there, if I know I'll see Sebastian, but how? And when? And what? And..?

I think my face is displaying my thoughts quite well again, because just a second later, Sebastian gives the answer to my unspoken questions. "How about you either come here or, if I'm not at home, to the bar? I'd gladly open the door for you and I think even Meyrin, you know, the girl you hate, would give you her cell phone to call me, okay?"

"Why should I hate her? It's not like I even know her.." And I feel the hate for the bitch coming up again, while I am telling him that I don't have a problem with her. How honest I am.

"I already thought you were jealous back then.." an evil look follows. Not really evil, rather mischievous. He's doing it deliberately again, isn't he?

A blush rests on my cheeks and I try to defend myself, but don't find the right words. "As if.."I cross my arms.

"You know what?" He leans closer. I shake my hade, an unnecessary action to show him that I don't know what he's talking about. "When you have that look on your face, you look so fucking adorable, it's totally worth teasing you."

I look away and then back at him, not really knowing how to react to such a compliment, or whatever that was.  
"You're such a liar!" I accuse him, kind of playfully. Since when do I talk like this again?

"So are you," he answers. Damn, is he telepathic? I snuggle up to him, resting my head against his chest, feeling as he breathes in and out. It's so strange how this has become such a comfortable thing within a few hours. The most comfortable thing in the world. Daaamn, I want to stay here.

I can't, though.

"I should really,.. It's half past eight already," I try not to sound too disappointed. What's going on here isn't normal, is it? You don't cuddle somebody you barely know like that, usually. But this is Sebastian. It's different.

I smile.

He nods and walks me over toward the door, even opening it for me. TIme to say goodbye. Damn. No.  
I keep telling myself that we'll see each other again. No reason to worry. Not at all. Everything's fine. I look at him with a sad smile on my lips.

"Goodbye, Sebastian," I press a soft kiss on his lips.

"Bye, Ciel," and so does he.

I let the door fall into the lock behind me. Great. I still wear his oversized clothes, have a hard on from earlier, we didn't eat the pancakes and now I'm going to get into fucking trouble.  
Worst of all, I have no idea when I will see Sebastian again.

* * *

_ Before I forget, there's a Falling in Reverse song called 'I'm not a vampire', if you don't understand my unlogical logic. _

_LooOOoooOOooooove! _


End file.
